tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60634993440794791542024-03-05T10:52:15.828-08:00One Step at a TimeLeslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.comBlogger108125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-92060857605743235692017-05-17T08:07:00.002-07:002017-05-17T08:07:59.678-07:00Nothing is Impossible
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She’s here!!! We watched my due date come and go and after 26 hours of labor she finally has made her appearance.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikPif5eGncxXEDvTHYj5TiKrm59cwUrIq9WIOtlVq3lNxmddiSdIc1ya_lGPXhtLtdZy-Y80m-viW1lJqY80R-nbwNM8CEijPjQn6dBkHQG_q9pJwCh8Dd829KyOuDJDAL2wGRTnpwYnQ/s1600/Ellie3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikPif5eGncxXEDvTHYj5TiKrm59cwUrIq9WIOtlVq3lNxmddiSdIc1ya_lGPXhtLtdZy-Y80m-viW1lJqY80R-nbwNM8CEijPjQn6dBkHQG_q9pJwCh8Dd829KyOuDJDAL2wGRTnpwYnQ/s320/Ellie3.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Elizabeth “Ellie” Anne Vogel was born on at 5:19pm on May 9<sup>th</sup>,
just in time for Mother’s Day! She weighed 8 lbs 7oz and was 21.5 inches long.</div>
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I will have to write another post soon about her birth
because I don’t want to forget it, but I wanted to explain the meaning behind the
name we chose for her.</div>
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Coming up with her name was a bit challenging! We wanted to choose something that was
meaningful and relevant to her story. We wanted her to have a name that
reminded people of all that God had done to bring about her sweet little life. </div>
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Her middle name, Anne, is one that has been passed down in
my family. It belongs to me, my sister, my mom, my grandmother and great great aunt.
It means “full of grace.” </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPBpYM2PcGxByoJ-ZVRKDIDjxePkBNdPAP8xgRqFJPY0umv5_FbGeC1DknMRgZ4gPEnQajCgGvNcJbObo_uz_rofv63dchnIYoZDr7cbUHiiDBX6FCp0WZ0ysbbnmoX4muSz7T9lc9mIk/s1600/Ellie6.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPBpYM2PcGxByoJ-ZVRKDIDjxePkBNdPAP8xgRqFJPY0umv5_FbGeC1DknMRgZ4gPEnQajCgGvNcJbObo_uz_rofv63dchnIYoZDr7cbUHiiDBX6FCp0WZ0ysbbnmoX4muSz7T9lc9mIk/s320/Ellie6.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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The Hebrew meaning of the name Elizabeth is “God is my
oath.” We really chose this name though because of the person Elizabeth in the
bible. If you read in Luke chapter 1, you will find a familiar story of a woman
who is older in age that is barren. Elizabeth and Zechariah were unable to have
children. Zechariah was a priest and scripture says they were both, “righteous
before God walking blamelessly in all commandments and statutes of the Lord.”
However, they did not have any children and Elizabeth was advanced in years.
The bible doesn’t tell us everything that Elizabeth faced because of her
barrenness or the feelings she might have had, but I along with many others can relate to her. She had probably resigned herself to a life without an heir, without
children to raise. She watched those around her bear children and felt she would never have that joy. Her and everyone around her knew it was impossible for them
to conceive a child. But God had other plans.</div>
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He told Zechariah through an angel that Elizabeth would
conceive and they would have a son. This child would grow up to be John the
Baptist and he would do great things for the Kingdom. The angel says that they
would have “joy and gladness” at his birth and many would rejoice!</div>
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Continuing on in the chapter we see the story of Mary finding out
that she will miraculously carry Jesus in her womb.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When she questions how it can be, the proof
given to her is that her relative Elizabeth is also carrying a child. </div>
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The angel says: </div>
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<i>“And behold, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also
conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren.</i></div>
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<i>For NOTHING will be impossible with God.”</i></div>
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Reading this passage of scripture is what solidified this
name for us, because I too was barren. I too faced impossible odds when it came
to conceiving a child. We were told that we would most likely never be able to have
children naturally because of the extensive cancer treatments I had undergone.
In those dark days when we didn’t know if I ‘d live to see my next birthday,
becoming parents definitely seemed impossible to us! </div>
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But we serve a God who
does the impossible! He loves redemption and restoration and shows us over and
over again throughout scripture how he makes things new. He brings light to the
darkness. He literally brings life from death! These miraculous acts remind us
that just as we are dead in our sin, God can bring us new life through His Son
Jesus. He was dead on the cross, pierced for our transgressions and on the
third day he rose again! </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYv1DIj-wmVt0LYjpJG3hzr6J9Z-p6Qb4ngkX6fSB2n78_kfFdzN59Pi5M3cZ_Xxxw_zizaeaDhMF8xwmfjgA_boskL1cK6vXofcocacOWrsWpSTvelY-MuX0Cidz-VZZ3OcdbJYixeD8/s1600/Ellie5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYv1DIj-wmVt0LYjpJG3hzr6J9Z-p6Qb4ngkX6fSB2n78_kfFdzN59Pi5M3cZ_Xxxw_zizaeaDhMF8xwmfjgA_boskL1cK6vXofcocacOWrsWpSTvelY-MuX0Cidz-VZZ3OcdbJYixeD8/s320/Ellie5.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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God is so faithful and can do the impossible! That is what
He did for us with our little miracle baby. I pray that her life continues to
bring much joy and gladness to all who know her. I pray that her name would be
a precious reminder to her and all those around her that God did the impossible
when He died for our sins and rose from the dead. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pray she would grow up knowing that there is
always hope and that her life is a precious reminder of that truth.</div>
Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-38887269741068178422016-12-31T13:03:00.001-08:002016-12-31T14:34:54.239-08:00A Mustard Seed in 2016<style>
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It’s hard to believe that 2016 is coming to an end and we
are heading into 2017. As I reflect on this past year and all that God has done, I am overwhelmed.<br />
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A little over a year ago David and I traveled on Christmas day in order to
spend time with family. God had done so much for us in 2015, and I was so grateful for my
life. However, I still had the longing to be a mother and felt like part of our
story was still unwritten. The holidays always seem to provoke us to think
about the things we long for and I was honestly feeling a bit down about not
having children to celebrate with. I remember sitting down at our gate and
offering a familiar plea to God. I asked Him if He could possibly allow me to be a mother. He
had already done so much for me, but could this one other thing be fulfilled?
Was it even possible? Could we adopt? Would He provide us with a family to
celebrate this renewed life with? After my prayer, I raised my head and I saw
the following restaurant right in front of me, staring me in the face.<br />
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I froze for a moment and knew God was telling me something through this airport, barbeque restaurant. I looked up the following verse on
the plane, and peace flooded my heart immediately with these words.</div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He
replied, "Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have
faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here
to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."</span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">~</span>
Matthew 17:20</i></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Hadn’t God already proved the power of
this verse to me over and over again? A mustard seed of faith is all it takes
for God to move. I believed in that moment that 2016 would be the year that my
promises would be fulfilled. Somehow, someway God would move in my life and in my
family.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And God has once again stayed true to
His word! We have seen Him move mountains in miraculous, amazing ways this
year! Here are just a few:</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He called to us and asked us to leave the
safety and security of Knoxville and worship ministry to start a new church in Winston-Salem. I've seen my husband thrive in his new calling, and I know this is where God wants us to be!</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQ0m-2h_HS9mdZcBTUrSJeHj7Y7LXG10eODQ9f7ArT3DWQc1dZPUOfvPhdu7us2_V4Xe1Wn_TkKWgQcZ_FpBJB9R8FTJ6L9xyW_mB5OZK_oiER1vPCewDx53TlSlbfikQXfYvUFlB1tS8/s1600/winston.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQ0m-2h_HS9mdZcBTUrSJeHj7Y7LXG10eODQ9f7ArT3DWQc1dZPUOfvPhdu7us2_V4Xe1Wn_TkKWgQcZ_FpBJB9R8FTJ6L9xyW_mB5OZK_oiER1vPCewDx53TlSlbfikQXfYvUFlB1tS8/s320/winston.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He provided us with the resources and
support to move as we said goodbye to our dear friends in Knoxville.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIzCb2vQmao-0Z55nxR6zDArcJslP4Fc6wJbxaFsFDxdZpSF9MjsR-hWx1ooFmAA2QaDtbRJ-iVvqEJjWxMNyfWFJNqHPFvbe3DJy-JenPFj4DXN9Ybw2ZfdSixY2U8cf95dhJWUHXq9o/s1600/0EA18558-1B00-486D-A2C5-A93587AFA71B.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIzCb2vQmao-0Z55nxR6zDArcJslP4Fc6wJbxaFsFDxdZpSF9MjsR-hWx1ooFmAA2QaDtbRJ-iVvqEJjWxMNyfWFJNqHPFvbe3DJy-JenPFj4DXN9Ybw2ZfdSixY2U8cf95dhJWUHXq9o/s320/0EA18558-1B00-486D-A2C5-A93587AFA71B.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He brought Kemper and Arielle to take
our place at NorthStar and it has been so sweet to see them thrive in a place we love so much!</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHOi7alC2FjXsv6J_jzqRaOxoP0xDIWqjzfUkTEbC8tqlAfnWiMjq0uNmmqwHQX3uCstYggf1eXU7sg3yPMGkSUSj_xT1hlp3OYy3QDCZxX1qyGP1yjUd8bkY-Kytuv9ThXgGEW8Po-tM/s1600/DAvid2+.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHOi7alC2FjXsv6J_jzqRaOxoP0xDIWqjzfUkTEbC8tqlAfnWiMjq0uNmmqwHQX3uCstYggf1eXU7sg3yPMGkSUSj_xT1hlp3OYy3QDCZxX1qyGP1yjUd8bkY-Kytuv9ThXgGEW8Po-tM/s320/DAvid2+.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He sold our home very quickly and gave
us a beautiful place to live in North Carolina. </span><br />
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He provided us with a church family and
a building in which to meet. </span><br />
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He continues to bring hundreds of
people through the doors at Two Cities and we have already seen lives changed
by the Gospel!</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeLXWLCrAhusnbBDRDDR_BPVh1_b0T99_ZkdyKLvaGd__5GidIgM5ndsnwCxpjrmRbS7YhJB4jX8FohQgYnpamGszEz4zvMdhMVJI4CyuNdP-Dx4wiA6xaa13AND0oaHx4o384odU60lk/s1600/two+citites.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="118" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeLXWLCrAhusnbBDRDDR_BPVh1_b0T99_ZkdyKLvaGd__5GidIgM5ndsnwCxpjrmRbS7YhJB4jX8FohQgYnpamGszEz4zvMdhMVJI4CyuNdP-Dx4wiA6xaa13AND0oaHx4o384odU60lk/s320/two+citites.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He allowed us to see two family members
get engaged. David’s sister, Kerith and my brother, Brad have found their future
spouses!</span><br />
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOO-O-pdCrPk37FVN0WaNmrYD0Wk2Gwvful98c6KtMcLaiqqXh0xUn4gUBx9q077BVBRo40_X2iBtGD4iVuAkYDi9g0UYtkIWPNu9kXOG1lXm7qq6HV5GQvCdWuSU52o5mpP0QfV_POY0/s1600/15235449_10207604518247321_54913844499999422_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOO-O-pdCrPk37FVN0WaNmrYD0Wk2Gwvful98c6KtMcLaiqqXh0xUn4gUBx9q077BVBRo40_X2iBtGD4iVuAkYDi9g0UYtkIWPNu9kXOG1lXm7qq6HV5GQvCdWuSU52o5mpP0QfV_POY0/s320/15235449_10207604518247321_54913844499999422_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He continued my healing with another
clean scan in November!</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVeB2SOhM6FD3TyvY1ryRXLeHaMI_wLkLan_QBC94B6HnhDmBCyEwZ_NW386kygEKgL__JvHqFF_QijI5QlCJeapBB9Nt6KrHXsU4RitjhLBUkbr1k_uukf-DYU8JQZCPZ5YYCzzJ21T4/s1600/15138527_680582526630_5429573028663685463_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVeB2SOhM6FD3TyvY1ryRXLeHaMI_wLkLan_QBC94B6HnhDmBCyEwZ_NW386kygEKgL__JvHqFF_QijI5QlCJeapBB9Nt6KrHXsU4RitjhLBUkbr1k_uukf-DYU8JQZCPZ5YYCzzJ21T4/s320/15138527_680582526630_5429573028663685463_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And as if all of those things were not
enough, God is miraculously knitting together our precious baby girl in my
womb. He has moved mountains for me to be a mother and I could never fully
express my gratitude! I already love her more than I could say!</span><br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">God has been so incredibly gracious to
us and has taken the tiny mustard seed we had to offer Him and turned it into
so much more. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This year has not been without its challenges. We have learned
how hard it is to leave a home and community we love. We said many tear-filled goodbyes. We lost our sweet Bonnie pup.
We experienced the craziness and difficulties of planting a church. We moved
farther away from my family. But everything has been so, so sweet in the
process, and God has taught us to lean on Him in ways we never have before.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As I sit here feeling the precious kicks of my baby girl, I can only imagine what all God has in
store for us in 2017. I pray that 2017 will be a year of JOY.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Weddings and showers and family trips and
church growth and the addition of our baby girl are all on the horizon and I
couldn’t be more excited! Thank you, God for all you’ve done and continue to do
in us. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Our God is a promise-keeper and a
mountain-mover. I don't know what you have faced in 2016, but hold on and trust that God can take the
smallest amount of faith and turn it into something beautiful!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Happy New Year Everyone!</span></div>
Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-132522560067079282016-09-25T08:23:00.000-07:002016-09-25T08:23:27.574-07:00He Has Done GREAT Things!!!
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The Vogels have a big announcement!!! We’re having a baby!!!! </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUFImFy7ntLNbAGVLlwPu76iwZXCSBbBFVd82pxMOne4UxO6y_7VwqoGltQYvVElyNs9pDK_r0Tv9GzuL9Whyto9rTTAP-zS3Z7hFggKDNRQyLN7RcojZPw7qJMNQqijsj9EEVaRY6Bvo/s1600/Baby2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUFImFy7ntLNbAGVLlwPu76iwZXCSBbBFVd82pxMOne4UxO6y_7VwqoGltQYvVElyNs9pDK_r0Tv9GzuL9Whyto9rTTAP-zS3Z7hFggKDNRQyLN7RcojZPw7qJMNQqijsj9EEVaRY6Bvo/s400/Baby2.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
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We are due on May 2<sup>nd</sup> and couldn’t be more
excited!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As many of you know, I’ve battled refractory Hodgkin’s
Lymphoma from April of 2012 until I achieved remission from a clinical trial in
July 2015. I have had several different types of chemo treatments, radiation, a stem cell
transplant, and experimental medicines. The fact that I’m living today is
itself an incredible miracle. The fact that God has given us this blessing is
completely humbling and utterly overwhelming!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Over the past 4 years the days my heart would hurt and I
would cry out to God and tell Him how I longed to hold a child in my arms that
was mine were many. But there were also days when I would remember that I had
all I ever needed in my Savior and that quieted the doubts in the back of my
head.<span style="background: yellow; mso-highlight: yellow;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This baby is a miracle and blessing far beyond anything we
deserve. This baby shows me that there is no limit on God’s love for us.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Look at Hannah in 1 Samuel. She was barren for so many
years. Her heart was so heavy and her pain was so deep. God saw her in her
despair and gave her Samuel. For a barren woman, one child would be everything!
One child would be more than enough to satisfy that longing. But God didn’t
just give Hannah one child. He went on to bless her FIVE more times! She had
five more children after Samuel. God is a giver of good gifts and He desires to
bless us beyond what we deserve!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I pray that this child’s life will be nothing but a beacon
of hope and a testimony of God’s faithfulness to all who meet him or her. The
Lord led me to this passage of scripture in Isaiah about two years ago and it
has hung in my home since then.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">I will make rivers flow on
barren heights,</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br />
</span><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Courier; font-size: 5.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"> </span><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">and springs within the valleys.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">I will turn the desert into pools of water,</span><br />
</span><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Courier; font-size: 5.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"> </span><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">and the parched ground into springs.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br />
</span><b><sup><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">19 </span></sup></b><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">I will put in the desert</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br />
</span><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Courier; font-size: 5.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"> </span><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">the cedar and the acacia, the myrtle and the olive.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">I will set junipers in the wasteland,</span><br />
</span><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Courier; font-size: 5.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"> </span><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">the fir and the cypress together,</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br />
</span><b><sup><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">20 </span></sup><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">so that people may see and know,</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br />
</span><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Courier; font-size: 5.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"> </span><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">may consider and understand,</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">that the hand of the <span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> has done this,</span><br />
</span><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Courier; font-size: 5.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"> </span></b><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><b>that the Holy One of Israel has created it.</b>”</span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
~Isaiah 41:18-20</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We believe that this little baby is a green shoot in the desert
and it was absolutely the hand of God that has done this. Medically speaking it
is a miracle that we were able to spontaneously conceive. The amount of chemo
my body endured should have taken away any chance of life in my womb. But the
Holy One has set this life in motion and we will give Him ALL the glory! There is no denying that God is the one who has done this! What a powerful testimony this little one already has!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you for everyone who has cried out to God on our
behalf; first for my healing, and then for a child for us. God hears us when we
pray and He brings life from the most dead and barren places. He has truly brought
life from death, and we are so thankful!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Dear Baby Vogel,</i></div>
<i>
</i><div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Your life, little one, is itself a miracle. You are so
loved, so special, so wanted, and I can’t wait to meet you! </i></div>
<i>
</i><div class="MsoNormal">
<i>You have already brought so much joy to us and I pray you
would always be a joy-bringer to those you meet. There are so many people that have
already prayed for your life and already love you so immensely! I can’t wait to
tell you all about the miracle that you are!</i></div>
<i>
</i><div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Love,</i></div>
<i>
</i><div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Your mom</i></div>
Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-14593614837814119162016-05-29T13:14:00.000-07:002016-05-29T13:14:10.413-07:00A Tribute to My Husband the Pastor
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Today was the last Sunday that David led NorthStar church as
their worship pastor. </div>
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It’s the last Sunday that David Vogel will be my worship
pastor. </div>
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It was an incredible morning for all of us as he passed on the torch on to his younger brother, Kemper. We are so
excited to see Kemper and Arielle carry on the work that’s been done here and
are looking forward to seeing what’s ahead for us. Needless to say, I have had a
lot of emotions leading up to today, but I am confident as I type this that
this next step is what God wants for us. So on this last day of being married
to a worship pastor, I wanted to pay tribute to the work I’ve seen my husband
do here and how that will equip him for our next assignment!</div>
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Ever since he was a little boy, David has been called out. I
was reading about King David in the bible this week. It says that after he was
anointed by Samuel, “from that day on the Spirit of the Lord came powerfully
upon [him].” ~1 Sam 16:13</div>
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I believe this to be true of my David as well. He has led
the people of NorthStar in worship for almost ten years and the Spirit of the
Lord has most definitely been in our midst. He has led our church and our
family well.</div>
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When I first met David I knew he was the one for me. He
loved the Lord so much, and he was different than anyone I had ever met. He was
clearly set apart, and he has taught me so much about worship and what it means
to live a life surrendered to God.</div>
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People don’t always understand what all David’s job has
entailed as a worship pastor. No he doesn’t just pick out his favorite songs.
No he doesn’t just work on Sunday mornings. No he does not play an organ or
conduct a choir. One time we met a young couple on vacation who had just gotten
married. We exchanged small talk and they asked what we did for a living. I
told the wife that my husband was the worship pastor at our church and her
response was, “aw he sings songs. That’s so cute.” Yes, he is cute, but I don’t
think you fully understand what my husband does! Some people may just think
that the only requirement for being a worship pastor is that you are a talented
musician. David is an incredible musician, one of the best I know. Being a
musician requires practice and hard work and talent. David has all of those
things. Being a musician would be enough to keep him occupied and make him a
successful person. But on top of being a musician, he is a pastor.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsg6qgAS2Nvxu9S7SMWHC60q_dQEa0hxfFDjhrGaHPwSqj_jRvfRsHrFUbD2OsOeGfFgUFduJIN93PoC1UanVrGJsPO6iQ6w0y8cgejhpXfNhb6pg-8slVvR847rakc32_b0joXMrotA0/s1600/243539_10150210096013507_966494_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsg6qgAS2Nvxu9S7SMWHC60q_dQEa0hxfFDjhrGaHPwSqj_jRvfRsHrFUbD2OsOeGfFgUFduJIN93PoC1UanVrGJsPO6iQ6w0y8cgejhpXfNhb6pg-8slVvR847rakc32_b0joXMrotA0/s320/243539_10150210096013507_966494_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The Lord allowed David to establish a team of amazing worshipers to surround him on Sunday mornings on stage. I had never before
experienced the Holy Spirit in worship like I did at Northstar and so much of
that is due to the amazing team that is in place. I believe one of the reasons
this team is so amazing is because David is such a good leader of people. He
inspires others to serve faithfully and communicates clearly the vision for the
ministry. He has invested deeply in the lives of people on his worship team.
They worked together and David always made sure the heart behind the music was
to give glory to God. </div>
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He not only has shaped the worship that people participate
in on Sunday morning, he helped shape personal worship as well. Several times
through my cancer journey, I found myself in low places. Places where I doubted
and questioned God’s will for my life. What do you do when you find yourself in
a place like that? You turn to scripture and song. Or at least I did. There
were times when I just needed to worship. I needed to sing to God. What should
I sing? The songs that came to my heart are the ones I sang on Sunday mornings
with my church family. That’s why David doesn’t just put any worship song on the
set list that is recommended or popular. I can give you the inside scoop and
tell you that each song that has been introduced on Sunday morning at NorthStar
as been prayed over and carefully chosen. It has been such an awesome thing to watch.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzwkkYJKKkq5ku-D8nSw3YG3qzavAbVOO4pAClFPIhyphenhyphenNP71OdMQVSu-EkhsbroQIk-fkyS_RSo13BaaFmT39OyXbG4CE6A9-0HGY53SpdzczewrlfcPzcrDZfy_vG-fOj7OffXwfqDOCo/s1600/11916105_10100368127836326_4588254594768088147_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzwkkYJKKkq5ku-D8nSw3YG3qzavAbVOO4pAClFPIhyphenhyphenNP71OdMQVSu-EkhsbroQIk-fkyS_RSo13BaaFmT39OyXbG4CE6A9-0HGY53SpdzczewrlfcPzcrDZfy_vG-fOj7OffXwfqDOCo/s320/11916105_10100368127836326_4588254594768088147_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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David has been an amazing leader in our life group as well.
He is someone that walks deeply with people and truly wants what’s best for
everyone in his life. He doesn’t see members at NorthStar as “another face in
the crowd” he cares about each person that is a part of his church. I could go
on and on about how awesome he is, but I think you get the picture. David is
gifted as a pastor, and it’s time to step out on faith and
continue to develop these skills.
</div>
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As we walk forward and step into a new calling, these
God-given gifts of leadership and shepherding will serve him well. I’m so
excited to see how God uses him to impact the people at Two Cities Church. He
invests deeply and loves well. He may not be my worship pastor anymore, but I believe God has
prepared him over the last 10 years to become the best Executive Pastor around!
Get ready Winston-Salem, the Vogels are coming for you! </div>
Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-3902066159984568622016-05-24T13:25:00.000-07:002016-05-25T08:10:20.693-07:00The Vogel Lifegroup<style>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqVLP5igIcsGOXl5f7blXOQi9Mw_5p_HlDxv9co5HT8VoEhlJA5rXa_cS7TiNtOkdQmm54_WHoYFCbJ_48-O6UR1u97KaZSUv-7cApB_NuPS5Ta9QX4c7LWZVdu13zJWJqJH0Rrh0rWJY/s1600/where+two+or+more+are+gathered.png.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqVLP5igIcsGOXl5f7blXOQi9Mw_5p_HlDxv9co5HT8VoEhlJA5rXa_cS7TiNtOkdQmm54_WHoYFCbJ_48-O6UR1u97KaZSUv-7cApB_NuPS5Ta9QX4c7LWZVdu13zJWJqJH0Rrh0rWJY/s320/where+two+or+more+are+gathered.png.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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6 and a half years ago David and I were sitting around a
fire pit with our friends Andy and Caitlin talking about life. We were just
two, young dating couples talking about God and the church and how important
community is. It was that night that David and Andy decided to start a life
group together., and that’s when our life group was born. As we prepare to
leave Tennessee, one of the hardest parts is leaving our life group because
it’s been such a special group of people. The people are amazing, but the way
that we’ve all stuck together through thick and thin has been so special. The
presence of the Lord has truly been in our midst and left us changed.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTDuzutTW56BUqexLpVZZpaES9ZF3A_igs03ikvgt1ne35uNVL2eaQ-eOIA3FYXn2y-XoHnSzTUL4afanLiDkySdjkmbV0rEXJN9NPjd9y9qZCSb1BR70ZEVvyHUfuJibOp82qrfwTHe4/s1600/lifegroup+6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTDuzutTW56BUqexLpVZZpaES9ZF3A_igs03ikvgt1ne35uNVL2eaQ-eOIA3FYXn2y-XoHnSzTUL4afanLiDkySdjkmbV0rEXJN9NPjd9y9qZCSb1BR70ZEVvyHUfuJibOp82qrfwTHe4/s320/lifegroup+6.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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People have come in and gone out, but each one has been an
important part. We have walked through engagements, weddings, babies, loss of
family members, cancer, sickness, job hunts, job achievements, foster care,
adoption, infertility, pool parties, cookouts, Bachelor parties, and so much
more! We’ve watched people graduate and move away. We’ve watched some of those people
move back and rejoin the group. We’ve sat in hospital waiting rooms together
and set up meal calendars and thrown baby showers. We’ve invited new people in
to the point where we got so big that we had to split into two groups, but
really we are still just one group at heart. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHeVAlE5aQm1d9_W-d6CsrSY0OTHhhHhhXP9mhecMgaiugBDqGF4qCbb_HhpUinrnenUQlIWCIkXGme_GYoAOsnC2iEvv7yzYv1rzsS7fvgquqM4ZfGwl4MRexj4dqLw3PjOMyX2whcrw/s1600/lifegroup+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHeVAlE5aQm1d9_W-d6CsrSY0OTHhhHhhXP9mhecMgaiugBDqGF4qCbb_HhpUinrnenUQlIWCIkXGme_GYoAOsnC2iEvv7yzYv1rzsS7fvgquqM4ZfGwl4MRexj4dqLw3PjOMyX2whcrw/s320/lifegroup+2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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We’ve been through so much together. Each time we meet, we
talk about Jesus and study the word and worship. We fellowship and eat yummy
snacks and talk about the good things and the hard things. We’ve prayed
together and cried together and Lord knows we have laughed together! Seriously,
these people have been our family. We have done LIFE together. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC-1-fpHKklU08D-cHwLqNMA_Wz4H40Ex7HBA8OxeKEbBTc-CmCSxrGBrhBp89uH4Y-XtwrETjEou_e-3dkteT5qG5_wFWpQ68C0mt92OA3wn-0wUII_DrNLSHfw-PbTPVBn9tj-EBvys/s1600/lifegroup+5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC-1-fpHKklU08D-cHwLqNMA_Wz4H40Ex7HBA8OxeKEbBTc-CmCSxrGBrhBp89uH4Y-XtwrETjEou_e-3dkteT5qG5_wFWpQ68C0mt92OA3wn-0wUII_DrNLSHfw-PbTPVBn9tj-EBvys/s320/lifegroup+5.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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There is absolutely no way I could ever express how much I
love and appreciate all 30 something people that have been a part of the Vogel
life group. David and I don’t have biological family that lives here in
Knoxville and you all have been just that for us…family. We are brothers and
sisters and are aunts and uncles to each other’s children and I literally can’t
imagine my life without each one of you in it. Thank you for being vulnerable
and opening up your lives to us. We are trusting the Lord to provide an amazing
new community for us in Winston-Salem but know that we could never replace you
all in our hearts. Our hearts will just have to get bigger! </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBOeXDF_qW-pY1PNbu9XhV_hbl2dXipevRq-TrmdbWENVTfCdBipXM0DeaVa48NAOfZIy14VUShFLUIQKFc-lXXCd0YsVbO1UjjjYQZCD84-FcdGFBcopNBHFkMwwx_tCf5XO2Q51Oix0/s1600/lifegroup+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBOeXDF_qW-pY1PNbu9XhV_hbl2dXipevRq-TrmdbWENVTfCdBipXM0DeaVa48NAOfZIy14VUShFLUIQKFc-lXXCd0YsVbO1UjjjYQZCD84-FcdGFBcopNBHFkMwwx_tCf5XO2Q51Oix0/s320/lifegroup+1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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My prayer for this group as we make our way to North Carolina:</div>
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"<span class="reftext" style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 14px; margin-left: 1px; margin-right: 2px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 25px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: text-top; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><a href="http://biblehub.com/hebrews/10-23.htm" style="color: #0092f2; text-decoration: none;"><b>23</b></a></span><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "trebuchet" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 25px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.</span><span class="reftext" style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 14px; margin-left: 1px; margin-right: 2px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 25px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: text-top; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><a href="http://biblehub.com/hebrews/10-24.htm" style="color: #0092f2; text-decoration: none;"><b>24</b></a></span><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "trebuchet" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 25px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span class="reftext" style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 14px; margin-left: 1px; margin-right: 2px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 25px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: text-top; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><a href="http://biblehub.com/hebrews/10-25.htm" style="color: #0092f2; text-decoration: none;"><b>25</b></a></span><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "trebuchet" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 25px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." ~ Hebrews 10:25</span></div>
Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-14424771401589223052016-05-01T16:12:00.002-07:002016-05-01T16:13:11.270-07:00Stepping Out<style>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_3AIru_1xa_xaBJg8TG68bE-7gv6tmeHttYYrgJUFMhcdB5OldkGEyd9JH4pof8NvCPyqqaxL6ceUWd5ja0S_YGCqkXFArjeeqOShl-W1VVNTIjIh5qUwMe8BgwRMaFPCMbq_SO-88Rg/s1600/homequote.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="317" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_3AIru_1xa_xaBJg8TG68bE-7gv6tmeHttYYrgJUFMhcdB5OldkGEyd9JH4pof8NvCPyqqaxL6ceUWd5ja0S_YGCqkXFArjeeqOShl-W1VVNTIjIh5qUwMe8BgwRMaFPCMbq_SO-88Rg/s320/homequote.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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I’ve always been fascinated with the story of Abraham. God
shows us His faithfulness and a picture of His love through all aspects of
Abraham’s life. One of the first glimpses we get into Abraham is his
willingness to go. The Lord tells him to leave his home and his country and his
extended family and go to the place He will show him. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In a lot of ways David and I feel like Abraham and Sarah
must have felt. God has asked us to go. After a decade of leading people in
worship at Northstar Church in Knoxville, Tennessee, God has called David to
pursue a new ministry opportunity. He has asked us to leave a place that we
love and are comfortable and step out into the unknown.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
About 6 months ago, we started praying about the possibility
of planting a church with David’s lifelong friend, Kyle Mercer. Kyle was planting
a church through the Summit network in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Would
David be his executive pastor? It took us many months, many conversations, much
prayer, and many tears to answer that question!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There have been many times when I’ve read stories in
scripture about God calling people to go and I thought, “how could they say no?
God told you directly to do something, How could you even question it?” But now
I know it’s not that simple! We desperately sought the Father’s heart for us.
We wanted to make sure this was what God wanted. Even with a clear call from
the Lord, I never realized how hard it can be to say yes sometimes!</div>
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We grieved the thought of leaving our Northstar family. You
see Northstar isn’t just a place where we are employed. It’s not just the place
we attend church on the weekends. Northstar is home to us. Northstar is family
to us. We’ve grown up here in a lot of ways. We have lived here for our entire
marriage. We have experienced the true meaning of the body of Christ here. From
our wedding shower over at the old campus on Carmichael Road to watching the new worship center go up piece by piece to gathering for a prayer service when my life was on the line to
celebrating when I finally reached remission! David has grown so much as a
leader and shepherd here. We have made lifelong friends here. Our friends have
had many babies (yes many!) in the past 6 years that we love like our own! We
have walked through the refining fire that was cancer and our Northstar family
has walked right along side of us. They have mourned with us when it was time
to mourn and rejoiced with us when it was time to rejoice. For all of this we
are so grateful! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How can we leave this place? I have had dreams of starting a
family here and continuing to do life with my amazing friends here, but the
Lord has called us out. We are sure of it. Just as sure as God told Abraham to
go to the place he would show him, I feel that God has asked us to do the same
thing. I’m sure Abraham and Sarah had their share of excitement and fear, but
God was faithful to walk with them.</div>
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We know that we are not Abraham and Sarah, but we are trusting him to faithfully walk with us as we journey
out. We know He will be faithful to provide friends for us once again. We know He will be faithful to allow our ministry to grow. We know He will be faithful
to provide for our needs. He always does! </div>
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We are excited to see where God will take us in this next
chapter, but we are sad to leave our home. A lesson my sweet friend taught me
is that just because God calls you to something, doesn’t mean it will always be
easy! We know the journey ahead won’t necessarily be easy. I don’t want to say
goodbye to this place and these people I love, but I know God has a purpose for
us in North Carolina!</div>
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To our dear friends here at Northstar, know that we love and
appreciate all that you have done for us and taught us. We are taking the
Northstar heart with us as we go and we pray that God would use us to reach lost
people in Winston-Salem and show them the same love that you have shown us. We
will miss you terribly and love you always. Northstar will always be home to
us!</div>
Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-14483682835469227772015-09-27T14:58:00.001-07:002015-09-27T14:58:02.736-07:00Scar Tissue
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If you’ve ever been cut before, you may have a scar on your
body. I have a few on mine. One from when I was a child and my sister convinced
me to spin around in a circle with my eyes closed and then I walked right into
our fireplace! (Thanks Meg <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span>)
I have a few from my dog scratching my arms when she was a puppy and a few from
different surgeries I’ve had throughout cancer. (port, infusion lines, picc
lines etc.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Scar tissue is an interesting thing. It’s a part of our
body’s natural process to heal itself. When tissue is damaged, scar tissue
forms and even though the cut or scratch is healed, a mark remains. The tissue
has a different color or texture and just doesn’t look the same anymore. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Scar tissue not only forms on our skin, but can also form on
internal tissue. For people who have fought cancer, this means that wherever
their cancer was, scar tissue can form. It can show up on scans, cause the
patient to feel tightness, press on nerves, and very often cause pain where
tumors once were.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was thinking about this a week or two ago in regard to my
body. There are days when I feel a tightness in my chest or a moment of pain or
a tingling in my arm and my stomach drops. My mind immediately goes down the
very familiar road of worry and doubt and concern about whether or not I’m
still in remission. My hope is that the familiar feelings and pain are simply
scar tissue or some unrelated twinge, but I can’t help but worry for a moment….or
more than a moment.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As many of you know, I head to New York this week for my 3
month scan. I am beyond thrilled and a little dumbfounded that it has been 3
months since I was declared in remission. Where does the time go? I have no
logical reason to believe that this scan would be bad. I don’t have any
symptoms. I feel great and my energy is up and I believe that this remission
will be a lasting one…but my anxiety has still been present. Much more present
than I would like.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You see, I definitely have some scar tissue inside my body,
but I also have some scar tissue in my mind and my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Up to this point we’ve had many more bad
scans than good ones. I’ve been in remission before and then 6 weeks later was
not. I’ve declared to the world that my cancer was gone only to be proven wrong
by a scan a few weeks later. I have believed for good news when bad news came.
I have been wounded by life and there is quite a bit of scar tissue there.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was wondering why the Lord would choose to make scar
tissue a thing. Why do we have to be reminded either in appearance or by feeling
that a wound once occurred? If the body is going to heal itself, why can’t
everything be as good as new?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then I thought about Jesus. He had scars too you know.
He was wounded. He was healed. He died and then came back to life and bore the
scars on his hands and feet and side from everything He went through.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why? If He was made perfect again and came back in a
glorious body, why did His scars remain?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t have all the answers, but one way he proved to his
disciples that He had actually risen from the dead was to show them the scars
on his hands and feet. Those marks caused the faith of His best friends to
increase.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were not used to shame
them or cast them into despair over what had happened, but to remind them of
the glorious thing that Jesus did for them…for all of us. The Scars on Jesus
are our reminder that we get to go to Heaven, that the miraculous has happened
and that we have been redeemed! Praise God!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I want my scars to be like that. I want my physical and
emotional scars to not serve as negative reminders of the hard things David and
I have walked through over the last three years, but as reminders of all God
has done for us! The way He has carried us and how He provided a way out when
we thought death was the only way. Praise God for what He has done!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whatever this scan shows this week, pray that I will choose
to trust in the God who saved me and remember how far He was brought me instead
of dwelling on the hurt of the past. Please pray that this scan shows continued
healing and remission and that God would use me in whatever way He sees fit to
bring Him glory…scars and all.</div>
Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-53284423247613495682015-07-16T08:11:00.000-07:002015-07-16T08:11:13.412-07:00Weathering the Storm<br />
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Today marks five years since I became Mrs. Vogel and made one of the best decisions of my life. I am so blessed to be married to a man who is as steadfast and strong as he is funny and adventurous. In honor of our five years together today and our recent good news, I am going to share a story that I think symbolizes the last five years. I have been waiting for the right moment to share this story and I think today is the day! <br />
<br />
About two years ago David and I were in the thick of our cancer storm. I was still not in remission after a few types of chemo and we couldn't move forward to a stem cell transplant without a complete remission. Staying active was one way we coped, so we decided to take our two dogs and head out to Haw Ridge for a hike. We had looked at the weather, but thought we could beat the storms that were coming later in the afternoon. When we arrived at the trail head that morning, there wasn't a cloud in the sky and we were looking forward to our time together.<br />
We hiked about 2 miles in and everything was going well. We spent some time reflecting on where we were and discussing what we hoped would happen in the future. We had just started to head back when we heard some thunder in the distance. We picked up our pace a bit as we saw lightning paint the sky. When the rain started, we just looked at each other and laughed. We were grateful to get a little relief from the heat.<br />
The mood changed quickly, however, as the rain increased and the lightning and thunder became louder. We heard a few trees fall in the distance and our anxiety increased a bit. By this time we were still over a mile away from the trailhead and the safety of our car. The rain was so heavy that a rushing stream had formed where the trail once was making it almost impossible to continue going safely. There was no shelter in sight and we were literally stuck in this storm. The dogs were nervous and David and I were uncomfortable, but we decided to just wait it out. We figured it would pass quickly like most summer storms do.<br />
Then things got worse when the hail began. We looked at each other in disbelief and I saw concern on my husband's face as we hard another crack of lightning and a tree fall, this time not too far from us. The hail was about the size of a pea, maybe a bit larger, and didn't feel great on my bald head!<br />
I gathered the dogs at my feet and did my best to arch my body over them so they would be protected from the hail. David did the same over me. We kept watch in opposite directions for falling trees. It was pretty intense, but I felt safe huddled there with my little family! We prayed that the storm would pass and like all storms, it did.<br />
The hail stopped and the rain slowed down. As it was stopping, we made our way down the slippery trail back to the car. When we were almost to the end, we rounded a bend and went up a small rocky hill. The sight before us was literally one of the most beautiful I have ever seen. We stood in silence as we watched the sun burst forth from the clouds. I will never forget the way the golden light fell on everything before us and what the Lord spoke to my heart in that moment. David grabbed my hand and we exchanged tearful looks. The summer storm that took us by surprise and kept getting worse when we thought it would get better had passed. We knew in that moment that our storm wouldn't last forever either and what waited on the other side of it would be even more beautiful than the sight we saw that day. I went on to get remission and then relapse again. Our storm got worse after that day, but I have held onto that memory for the last two years, hoping and praying that I would see the things the Lord spoke to my heart that day.<br />
<br />
With the recent clear scan, I finally feel like the sun is breaking through the clouds. I can see it. We are stepping out again, eyes blinking, cautiously praying that good weather lies before us.<br />
<br />
The storm has changed us. It has brought us closer together. It has transformed the way we see life and see each other. I am grateful for the storm because I am not the same person I was before it came.<br />
<br />
I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt, I could not have survived it without my husband. David you have protected me, walked with me, hurt with me, celebrated with me, and loved me through a very long and difficult storm. You have literally become my umbrella at times when I couldn't stand the rain. You have watched for falling trees and sheltered me from hail. I am so grateful for the gift that you are to me and I am looking forward to the sunny days ahead. I don't know what all lies ahead of us, but the clouds are breaking my love and I'm so glad to have you by my side.<br />
<br />
Happy Five Years. Here's to many, many more!Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-34601679504861654602015-07-07T18:41:00.002-07:002015-07-07T18:44:18.533-07:00My Prayer Army<style>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><b>"To God be the Glory Great things He has done!" </b></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I honestly don’t think there are words full enough to express what I
feel right now. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here is a quick recap of the last three years:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">Diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma April 2012</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">Endured 6 months (12 treatments) of ABVD chemo.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">Found out in November 2012 that the cancer was still present
making me a refractory patient.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">Harvested my eggs in January 2013 and tried two doses of a
newer smart drug called Brentuximab.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">Cancer actually increased on this drug so switched to the hardcore,
traditional chemo ICE.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">After 4 rounds of ICE, cancer was still present.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">Tried a drug called Bendamustine that put me in remission in
August 2013.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">Then immediately went on to have an auto stem cell
transplant in September and October of 2013.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">90 days after my transplant, the cancer had returned.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">Underwent 6 weeks of radiation and finished in January of
2014.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">Scan after that showed that the cancer in the areas radiated
was gone, but new nodes in my abdomen had popped up.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">Went to a specialist in New York City at Memorial Sloan
Kettering Hospital. Since the nodes were too small to biopsy, went on “watch
and wait” for several months. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">Successful biopsy in August 2014 and entered into a trial
with the drugs Nivolumab and Ippilumab.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><u><b><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">After 10 months on the trial, I just found out last week
that I am in complete remission!</span></b></u></span></div>
<u><b>
</b></u><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I go in a week to see my
original doctor that we saw in New York, Dr. Younes. We will know more about
next steps after that appointment, but we are hopeful the cancer will never
return and we can move on, finally, with our lives!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve written all of this out to recognize the fact that
we’ve been on a long journey friends.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We've been on a very long, very hard journey. One that I
wasn’t convinced at times would include earthly healing but would only offer
heavenly healing. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And by we, I mean all of you with us.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have been overwhelmed over and over again by the amount of
love and support I have found in the people around me. My family, friends,
church body, and extended network through friends and other churches have been
such a blessing for us. I am beyond humbled.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The morning that I had my appointment to find out the scan
results last week, I got up a little early and was praying to the Lord. The
words that came out of my mouth were as follows:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>“Lord, go before me today. Father please come behind me. Hem
me in on all sides as I go today.”</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am confident that the Lord has answered that prayer in the
last three years through all of you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="background: #FDFEFF; color: #001320; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">“You hem me in
behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.” ~Psalm 139:5</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We have had so many people praying for us and carrying our
burdens, many that we’ve never even met. These people have been hemming us in for three years.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can’t tell you what it means to me to know that complete
strangers have prayed with us, cried with us, mourned with us, and are now
celebrating with us!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You all have been my army, my prayer army, and I am firmly
convinced that I’m still alive today because God has heard the prayers of His
people. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you friends, family, extended family, and loved ones
for being my army and lifting us up when we were too weak to do so ourselves. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This burden has been so heavy and I’m truly grateful for the
help to carry it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Lord has done a great work in me and because of Him, I
can have hope!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>I hope that cancer will never again be a part of my life.</i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>I hope for ministry opportunities. </i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>I hope for children.</i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>I hope for trips and time with family.</i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope to love on
broken and hurting women. </i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>I hope to rescue orphans. </i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>I hope to grow more in my faith.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Without the Lord, none of my hopes would be possible. And without all of you, the past three
years would have been too much to bear.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b>We don't know what lies ahead, but we are living in
celebration and victory right now and ask you to join us! You’ve earned it!
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-43735118968890147582015-05-06T05:07:00.000-07:002015-05-06T05:07:27.751-07:00Why I Won't be Crying in the Corner on Mother's Day
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This coming Sunday is Mother’s Day. I am so blessed to have
an incredible mother. I have watched her endure through hardship. I have seen
her fiercely protect those that she loves and I have learned how to be a
compassionate person because of her example. I have always found in her a
comfort and friend. I am also blessed with an incredible Mother-in-Law. She has
accepted me as one of her own children and loved me unconditionally. Her
tenacious spirit and faith has inspired me and I know I can count on her. These
two women deserve to be celebrated this Sunday and every day of the year!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So why does the thought of Mother’s day usually make me cry?
Why do I get a knot in my stomach when I think about it? Because I’m not a
mother.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 in 8 women are affected by infertility. 1 in 8. Women who have a desire to be a mother and walk out the most
difficult and rewarding journey there is, but can’t. These women hurt. These
women cry. These women blame themselves and think they have done something to
deserve their heartache. These women hide their feelings and put on a happy
face at baby showers, friend’s children’s birthday parties, church events,
family gatherings and more. They listen patiently when friends go on and on
about their pregnancies and the trials and joys of parenthood. They endure the
looks and comments insinuating, “you’ll understand someday” or “If you had
kids, then you’d know what it’s like.” They feel the pain of each year that
passes without a child and Mother’s Day is a very obvious reminder that yet
again, they are not a mother.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My story isn’t typical, but I consider myself a 1 in 8. The
past few Mother’s Days have been challenging for me. I want to celebrate the
women in my life who are mothers. I have so many friends who are incredible
mothers or mothers to be. This is their day! It’s just incredibly hard to be
reminded yet again that you don’t belong to this amazing club and I have spent
Mother’s day in tears before. I have put on a brave face at church and then
fallen apart at home. I have felt the pain and longing and defeat and I know
that I am not alone.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, this Mother’s Day I desire something different.
This Mother’s Day I will not be crying in the corner. I will choose to stand in
hope that I will be a mother some day. I will make room for the blessings that
I believe the Lord has in store for me. They may not play out the way I
originally thought they would, but I believe the Lord is faithful and my joy
and fulfillment can be found in Him, not in a status of <i>mother</i>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A few years ago, dear friends of mine were in a multiple
year wait for the adoption of their three beautiful children from Columbia.
They had endured much hardship in the adoption process. They knew they were
called to this road, but had met so much frustration and hurt along the way. At
Christmas, they could have been defeated and hurt by another holiday without
their children. But instead, they hung three small stockings on their mantle.
They didn’t know who their children were yet. They didn’t know their names. But
they made space in their lives for them. They prepared their hearts for the day
those little stockings could have names printed on them. They sat in
expectation of what the Lord could do instead of defeat by what hadn’t happened
yet. And they have inspired me to do the same.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It reminds me of a story we learned about a few weeks ago in
the kid’s ministry at church. We learned about Bartimaeus, a blind beggar who
waited by the roadside for Jesus to pass. He wore a cloak that represented his
status to the world. The cloak told passersby that he was a beggar. That he
could not work because of his ailment. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“</i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="background: #FDFEFF; color: #001320; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">Then they came to Jericho. And as He was leaving
Jericho with His disciples and a large crowd, a blind beggar <span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">named</span> Bartimaeus, the son of
Timaeus, was sitting by the road.</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://biblehub.com/mark/10-47.htm"><b><span style="background: #FDFEFF; color: #0092f2; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.5pt;">47</span></b></a></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="background: #FDFEFF; color: #001320; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"> When he heard that it was Jesus the Nazarene,
he began to cry out and say, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://biblehub.com/mark/10-48.htm"><b><span style="background: #FDFEFF; color: #0092f2; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.5pt;">48</span></b></a></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="background: #FDFEFF; color: #001320; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"> Many were sternly telling him to be quiet,
but he kept crying out all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://biblehub.com/mark/10-49.htm"><b><span style="background: #FDFEFF; color: #0092f2; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.5pt;">49</span></b></a></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="background: #FDFEFF; color: #001320; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"> And Jesus stopped and said, “Call him <span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">here.</span>” So they called the blind man,
saying to him, “Take courage, stand up! He is calling for you.”</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://biblehub.com/mark/10-50.htm"><b><span style="background: #FDFEFF; color: #0092f2; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.5pt;">50</span></b></a></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="background: #FDFEFF; color: #001320; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Throwing
aside his cloak</b>, he jumped up and came to Jesus. </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://biblehub.com/mark/10-51.htm"><b><span style="background: #FDFEFF; color: #0092f2; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.5pt;">51</span></b></a></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="background: #FDFEFF; color: #001320; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"> And answering him, Jesus said, “What do you
want Me to do for you?” And the blind man said to Him, “Rabboni, <span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">I want</span> to regain my sight!” </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><a href="http://biblehub.com/mark/10-52.htm"><b><span style="background: #FDFEFF; color: #0092f2; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.5pt;">52</span></b></a></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="background: #FDFEFF; color: #001320; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"> And Jesus said to him, “Go; your faith has
made you well.” Immediately he regained his sight and <span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">began</span> following Him on the
road.” ~Mark 10:46-52</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do you see? He threw his cloak aside before Jesus had healed
him. His faith was so great that he knew his status was going to change before it
actually did.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The pain of infertility and waiting on a child is real,
tangible even. But the joy set before those of us that suffer is even greater.
I don’t know what my future holds. I don't know when I will be a mother. I
don't know how many more Mother’s Days I will experience without a child in my
arms. But I believe that the Lord has great things in store for me. I believe
that right now, he is calling me to make room in my life for the children that
will come. So this Mother’s day I will not cry in my room. My face will not be
downcast. I will choose to have joy and anticipate my change in status!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will not bear the
cloak of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">barren</i> or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sick </i>or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">cancer patient</i>. I will throw it aside and find joy in the blessings
to come. I will celebrate the amazing mothers in my life and try to learn from
them as much as I can about motherhood because I believe it is in my future. I
will bear the title of <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">future mother</b>
and worship my Savior on Sunday through any feelings that may come up.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whatever it is you are waiting for in your life, whatever
cloak you bear that oppresses you and steals your joy, I encourage you to throw
it off and step into a life of expectation. And if you are like me and you fall
into the 1 in 8, please reach out to me. Please contact me. I would love to
walk with you and pray with you and worship with you in the midst of your wait.
We are not meant to walk alone. Let’s throw off our cloaks and anticipate what
the Lord will do!</div>
Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-83559789535801334482015-04-03T18:53:00.001-07:002015-04-03T18:53:38.984-07:00The Weight of His TearsIt's Good Friday.<br />
I love Easter and all that it represents.<br />
Christ rose from the dead and allowed us access to Him forever! That's the very best part of the whole story of the bible.<br />
But Good Friday is the very worst.<br />
<br />
This year I had the privilege of teaching the K-2nd grade kids about Jesus time in the garden before he died.<br />
It was an intense lesson and it really helped me reflect on all that Jesus went through those few days before He gave us the best gift we could ever get.<br />
<br />
I think it's easy for us to focus on the fact that Jesus was God. He was perfect. He never sinned. He knew the plan all along.<br />
<br />
It's harder for us to focus on his humanity.<br />
<br />
One of the biggest paradoxes of the bible is that Jesus was both fully God and fully man. It wasn't a 50/50 situation.<br />
<br />
We think that because Jesus was perfect, going to the cross was easy for Him. I mean, He knew His whole life that that day would come. Those moments would come where He waited in the garden after Passover for the soldiers to come take Him away. Knowing it was coming made it easier right? Wrong.<br />
<br />
Jesus left the sleepy disciples at the foot of the mountain and went to be alone with His Father.<br />
<br />
In Matthew 26 He says, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death."<br />
<br />
He prayed and asked God, <i>"My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."</i><br />
<br />
He wanted a way out if it was possible. He knew what was coming and He didn't want to go through with it.<br />
<br />
In Luke 22 it says <i>"And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground."</i><br />
<br />
This was a man who knew hurt and sorrow and anguish and fear.<br />
<br />
Don't for one second believe that because Jesus knew what He was facing, His task was easy.<br />
<br />
My heart was so heavy today thinking about what must have been going through Jesus's mind on that night long ago.<br />
<br />
One of His closest friends had betrayed Him. His other friends were obliviously sleeping. He was about to take on punishment that was not His. He did not deserve it. He knew He was about to face the hardest thing in His life...and he cried.<br />
<br />
He prayed and He cried and His soul was in anguish. Yes, He was God. Yes, He knew the ending. But He still hurt.<br />
<br />
I can't possibly ever understand what Jesus went through that night long ago, but I can relate to his hurt. I don't know what it's like to be perfect and face punshment, but I do know what it feels like to feel injustice. I know what it means for your soul to be in anguish and to stare death in the face. I know what it means to cry heavy tears.<br />
<br />
The weight of His tears that night is not lost on me. My suffering is nothing compared to His.<br />
<br />
And the craziest part about the whole thing is, He willingly faced all of this suffering....for me.<br />
That night was the saddest in history, but it was because of that night, that the best day in history could happen.<br />
I can't wait for Sunday!<br />
<br />Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-70326649763746454702015-03-11T13:24:00.000-07:002015-03-11T13:24:53.857-07:00If we only knew.... I'm sitting in the waiting room in NYC about to get my CT scan. It's amazing to me to think of the number of times I've been in this same place. The amount of feelings over the last three years every time I have to sit in a waiting room, drink oral contrast, get an IV, walk back to a scan, wait for results...<br />
<br />
I have felt a lot of anxiety in the past. These scans determine so much for a cancer patient. Is my current treatment working? Has my cancer grown? Is my cancer gone? Is my cancer still gone? Will the scan show something else? What will the next season of my life look like?<br />
<br />
But the Lord has granted me so much peace amidst these questions. <br />
<br />
I don't want to let the fears and doubts about the future overwhelm me and rob me of what the Lord is doing in these very moments. Because He is doing SO MUCH!<br />
<br />
I have been so blessed by this time of LIFE! My energy is up! My friendships are sweet! My hair is back! So many wonderful things are happening in my life right now.<br />
<br />
My 2015 Living Water Challenge has been such a blessing to me. I can honestly say that the more I learn, the more I want to learn!<br />
<br />
Just this morning, the Lord revealed something to me.<br />
<br />
In John 4, Jesus talks to a Samaritan woman at a well. He asked her for a drink and she asked Him how He could even ask her that? She was a Samaritan and Jesus was a Jew.<br />
<br />
<i>"Jesus answered her, 'If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.' "</i><br />
<br />
<i>..."Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give will never thirst. Indeed the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." </i><br />
<br />
I have asked for physical healing for three years. I have asked incessantly for
healing to the point that the Lord is probably tired of hearing it! It has overwhelmed my thoughts and has been my focus for so long!<br />
<br />
We ask God for specific things in this life and I think that is good and right and the Lord wants to bless us. But what if He is saying to us, <i>"If you only knew what I could give you, you wouldn't ask for that anymore. You would ask for living water instead!" </i><br />
<br />
If I only knew all the the Lord could give me, would I be so focused on the things I can't have right now? What if I just sought His face? What if I focused on all He has already done instead of being impatient about what He hasn't done yet?<br />
<br />
I believe this scripture is pointing us to the bigger picture. Jesus was telling this woman, it's not about this physical water in front of us. It's not about my race or your race. It's about the will of the Father. <br />
<br />
In the past, my spiritual life has been a lot of me trying to do the right thing and fit into the role I thought I was supposed to play and praying for God to change my circumstances. But I have come to a place in my life where, yes I want some things about my circumstances to change, but more than that, I want my <b>heart </b>to change and I want to better know the <b>One</b> who can change it!<br />
<br />
Yes, I still want healing.<br />
Yes, I still want children.<br />
Yes, I still want long life.<br />
But I want something else even more.<br />
I want to know my savior more. I want to see what He can give me. I want to drink of Living Water, and it doesn't really matter what my circumstances look like anymore.<br />
<br />
If you only really knew what the Lord had to offer you, would you worry so much about what you were facing? If you only knew the gifts the Lord had in store for you, would your focus shift in any way?<br />
I believe God desires to give us good things here on earth, but He wants to give us Living Water even more! Water that will satisfy us and never leave us thirsty!<br />
<br />
I pray that my appointment goes well tomorrow.<br />
I pray that the scan shows only improvement.<br />
I pray I reach a very long remission from cancer.<br />
I pray that my lungs continue to heal.<br />
I pray that David and I would be able to be parents soon.<br />
But the prayer that overshadows ALL of these things is that I would know Jesus more.<br />
Everything else fades into the background when I turn my desire towards Him.<br />
<br />
<br />Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-10226503351664012202015-01-15T14:17:00.002-08:002015-01-15T14:17:32.833-08:00PerseveranceWell, I don't have much time, but I wanted to give a quick update and share a little something from James!<br />
<br />
I have been in New York this week and got a scan on Tuesday. I got the results today that my tumors have now decreased by 90%!!! 90%!!! I'm so excited!<br />
<br />
The doctor said that most, if not all of the lymph nodes are in the normal range and one in particular they have been watching didn't even show up at all on the scan! Praise God!<br />
<br />
There was a little bit of a complication that I would appreciate your prayers about. I got sick over Christmas with a very bad cold that settled in my lungs. At my last visit they did a chest x-ray and it looked fine so we went ahead with treatment. The CT scan is much more sensitive and this week picked up on some inflammation. This is no surprise to me since I have had a lingering cough since Christmas. Even though it's gotten better, it's still hanging on.<br />
<br />
The problem is that this trial drug is documented and known for causing lung inflammation. So....they kind of freaked out. They decided not to treat me today because the medicine has the potential to make the inflammation worse. We are going to wait two weeks, take stronger antibiotics, and see if it's any better at that point. Since the scan was so good, they don't want to risk a lung complication that would disqualify me from the trial. So we're looking at the long term here! Please pray with me that my lungs heal quickly over the next two weeks! I believe I just got a nasty bug that caused this, but I'm glad they are thinking about the long-term and not just the short-term.<br />
<br />
My living water challenge has been going well! I've found some ways to help keep myself in the word such as listening to podcasts on my phone instead of watching TV or opening my bible app instead of facebook when I have down time. I'm definitely still a work in progress! God has been showing me some amazing things in the book of James.<br />
<br />
Many of you are probably familiar with the beginning of James one when he says to "count it all joy my brothers and sisters when you face trials of many kinds for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness."<br />
<br />
This verse used to irk me a bit honestly. I've been in the thick of suffering for a long time and honestly have not always felt very joyful. Jen Wilkin makes a great point though that "counting it all joy" and being "joyful" are two very different things.<br />
<br />
Suffering is not meant to be a joyful experience. It's supposed to be hard. It's hard because we live in a fallen world and sin stinks! Sin messes up everything perfect and good that God prepared for us. When we face suffering and trials, it's ok to hurt. It's ok to cry. It's ok to not be "ok" all the time. I don't think Jesus put on a happy face when he was being crucified and said "I'm blessed!" he hurt and cried and mourned.<br />
<br />
We count trials as joy because we know that joy is coming. We have hope that the trials we face on this earth are temporary. That there is light at the end of the tunnel and Heaven will be the opposite of earth. We also count it joy because it produces good and joyful things in us like steadfastness and perseverance.<br />
<br />
My journey has been extrememly hard and it very well may not be over yet. It's hard and it's ok for me to cry about it. But I know that it is producing good things in me and that joy is coming. And it makes good news like this week's scan all the more joyful!<br />
<br />
This journey has been more of a tortoise situation than a hare like I would have liked, but I am grateful for the perseverence. I am counting this experience as joy in my heart. Thank you Lord for providing us a way out of the darkness and trials of this life by sacrificing your perfect Son on the cross. Because He who was perfect suffered much, our suffering is only temporary.<br />
<br />
Thank you Jesus.Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-29143570178807261742014-12-31T14:50:00.001-08:002014-12-31T14:50:41.760-08:00A Thirst for Living WaterWell, I cannot believe that we are on our last day of the year 2014! This year has definitely had it's ups and downs, but I'm grateful for it.<br />
<br />
As I look into the face of 2015, the third year of my life plagued by cancer, the year I will turn 30 (yikes!), and the year I will celebrate 5 years of marriage to my best friend, I have so much to be thankful for and so much I want to accomplish!<br />
<br />
As I look at 2015 and think about what I'd like to do with the next 365 days the Lord has granted me, I have one all-consuming thought....I'm thirsty. I'm not talking about physical thirst, but spiritual thirst. Let me explain...<br />
<br />
I have been a Christian most of my life and have gone through seasons of great spiritual growth and seasons of dry stagnancy. Lately I've realized that as much as I pray and seek the Lord, there are some deficits in my spiritual walk that I would like to see made right.<br />
<br />
~I'm still waiting for healing. Complete physical healing from the Lord<br />
~I'm still hoping for a future with David and a family<br />
~I still struggle to trust the Lord with every part of my heart.<br />
~I still struggle to hear the Lord speaking to me in a real way.<br />
~I still struggle to fully worship without distraction by myself.<br />
~I still struggle to know my bible inside and out.<br />
~I still struggle to know the context of scripture and remember where to find familiar verses.<br />
~I still struggle to memorize scripture on a regular basis. <br />
<br />
I have these deficits in my spiritual walk and I want nothing more than to conquer them in 2015. But how do I do this? Try harder? Do better? It's just not that easy.<br />
<br />
Enter this <a href="http://www.dailyhiit.com/hiit-blog/hiit-life/woman-drinks-gallon-water-daily-30-days-see-happens/">article</a> that I read a few weeks ago.<br />
<br />
This woman in the UK drank a gallon of water every day for 4 weeks and saw some amazing breaktrhoughs. Her skin was healthier, her eyes brighter, her weight decreased, her energy up.<br />
All because she drank water. Water! The simplest, most readily available resource we have.<br />
<br />
So how does this apply to my spiritual life? How can I change the health of my spiritual walk? How can I improve my countenance with the Lord? Drink from Living Water! I need to turn to my most readily available resource....the Word of God!<br />
<br />
I'll admit, I spend a lot of time in prayer, but I've always struggled to be disciplined in the area of bible study. I can go many days sometimes without even opening my bible because of my busy schedule. It's sad, but true.<br />
<br />
After reading this article, it hit me so profoundly. If I want my spiritual complexion to change, I need to be studying the word daily. Not just flipping through the bible and reading a random verse. Not just finding some online words of wisdom and calling it good. Daily, drinking in the word of God and internalizing it.<br />
<br />
So this is my challege for myself in the year 2015 and I challenge anyone that's willing to take it with me.<br />
<br />
<b>I am committing to the Lord to spend time in bible study every day in the year 2015, no matter what.</b><br />
<br />
It may only be for 15 minutes, but I will drink from the living water everyday this year. It seems so simple, but I'm a little nervous! Now that I've made it public I can't fail! haha<br />
<br />
I am writing a private journal entry with the things I'm struggling with spiritually as my "before" picture.<br />
On December 31st 2015 I will take my "after"shot and assess myself again to see how drinking in the word every day has changed me.<br />
<br />
I'm trusting the Lord for good things!<br />
<br />
And so I don't get defeated before I begin, I've been reading Jen Wilkin's book <i>Women of the Word</i> to help me gain some valuable study skills. I will most likely use devotionals and commentaries to help me get started, but I'm hoping to just take a book at a time and study it. Learn it. Drink it in.<br />
<br />
I will start tomorrow with the book of James.<br />
<br />
If anyone wants to join me, let me know! I'd be more than happy to help you! If the Lord shows me something amazing, I might share it on facebook or instgram and use the hashtag <i>#LivingWater </i>Please feel free to do the same!<br />
<br />
Please join me and challenge yourself! I would love to have a lot of company on this journey!<br />
I pray that you all have a blessed and peaceful last day of 2014 and are trusting the Lord for amazing things to come in 2015!<br />
<br />
I think 2015 will be the best year ever! <br />
<br />Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-61309551785805189532014-11-01T09:17:00.003-07:002014-11-01T09:22:02.446-07:00A New Thing<style>
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Wow it’s been a crazy little bit of time!</div>
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I’m sorry I haven’t updated you in a while about the
progress we’ve made, but we’ve been pretty busy!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVbM3maAdOz1zqroLDfE4FQ0U8q4_z2_3K8cmTNRyUzh_iJ0LXddTV3F50gbXBfZHHOd7thHyE5pzNLw53J-ZXOjEr824XQHImCx_7juByj66m2ouHEBfJZ9lCYPrriQOXhF6GjE9OMiw/s1600/New++York.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVbM3maAdOz1zqroLDfE4FQ0U8q4_z2_3K8cmTNRyUzh_iJ0LXddTV3F50gbXBfZHHOd7thHyE5pzNLw53J-ZXOjEr824XQHImCx_7juByj66m2ouHEBfJZ9lCYPrriQOXhF6GjE9OMiw/s1600/New++York.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
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I had a CT scan about three weeks ago to see if this new
treatment was working and….it is!</div>
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Praise the Lord! My tumors are decreased by about 60%.</div>
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Most of them are under 1 cm now, which is fantastic!</div>
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I feel great, my Hodgkin’s symptoms are gone and I finally
have energy again!</div>
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However, I struggled to really embrace this good news.</div>
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We’ve heard good news before. We’ve been told treatments
were working before. Heck, we were told that I was in remission before. </div>
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But each time we were horribly mistaken. Each time we
allowed ourselves to dream again, we were thrown back into reality with
terrible news waiting for us around the corner. So it’s understandable that my
heart has been hesitant to accept this.</div>
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It’s hard to shake the fear and the doubt and the second-guessing.
It’s hard to keep hoping. Honestly, it’s hard to hear good news and fully
believe it to be true.</div>
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I’ve spent a lot of time in the last three weeks crying and
being upset about a variety of things. I’m struggling, I’m changing. God is
working and I can see it all around me. It’s overwhelming and I just want to
share. God is showing me his love and mercy by doing a lot of new things…</div>
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1) South Campus</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEnpzxLKynMoZ6JBFyPq7IBX1jhdho6BL3dQUgH5-ymw8Mz8s3239kzQOkhh_xlv7HppPXbrzJG8Sl-xBJEHnzdhA5gHM6SZjWSoHEHNRttdUU9iZADdjQQEH5k2d0_ISZeEOh3ErPkO4/s1600/Northstarsouth.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEnpzxLKynMoZ6JBFyPq7IBX1jhdho6BL3dQUgH5-ymw8Mz8s3239kzQOkhh_xlv7HppPXbrzJG8Sl-xBJEHnzdhA5gHM6SZjWSoHEHNRttdUU9iZADdjQQEH5k2d0_ISZeEOh3ErPkO4/s1600/Northstarsouth.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
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Last Sunday we had our first ever service at South campus
and I had the privilege of overseeing the kids and preschool areas.</div>
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This meant a LOT of furniture building, cleaning,
organizing, recruiting, toy purchasing, late nights, and leaning on other
people for help!</div>
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Everything went so well and we were blessed to have over 600
people in attendance last week and 15 salvations! I’m looking forward to what
God is going to do with this amazing new campus and group of people. He’s taken
something old and turned it into something new and amazing! This old building
has life again! The parking lot is full, the classrooms are buzzing, the people
are singing and God is doing something new! He really is bringing revival to
the mountains of East Tennessee!</div>
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2) Baby Gideon</div>
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<br /></div>
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Our friends Andy and Caitlin had their first baby as well
and it was such a blessing to be there at the hospital in the waiting room and
wait for that first cry. It was so sweet to see Andy’s face as he came to
announce the good news. It was so precious to get to hold that sweet new life
and pray that God would bless him and use him in a mighty, new way. His name
means warrior, but I believe God will use him to soften hearts. I can already
see it happening. God is doing something new and something amazing with this little
miracle.</div>
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3) Clinical Trial</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We had our Candy Tailgate at church on Wednesday and then I
headed to New York for another treatment.</div>
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My doctors are all impressed with my scans from last time
and my continually improving bloodwork. They said that I’m making medical
history and that I’m the poster child for this study.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As hard as it is to believe that this could be a cure or a
long-term life-changing remission for us, I find myself softening and ready to
receive it. He’s doing a new thing. My immune system is actually fighting off
this wretched disease for the very first time. God is using this treatment to
do something new in my body.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I see God working so much around me and doing all of these
new things.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
New buildings, new churches, new movements, new leadership
roles, new babies, new treatments and I feel more than ever that I’m ready for
something new in this heart of mine!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Usually we fear things that are new. I’ve always been a
creature of habit and change has not always been something I embraced, but at
this point in my life, I find my defenses weakening against the new. In fact, I
desire it!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lord do a NEW thing in me! I’m tired of the old way. I’m
tired of the insecurities and doubt that I’ve stored up in my heart for decades.
I’m tired of the crippling fear and feeling left out of life. I’m tired of
questioning every step on this crazy journey and doubting your love for me. I’m
ready for a new thing!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m tired of struggling with the same sin. Hurting my
friends the same way. Getting frustrated about the same things. I’m sick and
tired of making excuses for my sin. I’m sick and tired of falling back into my
old habits. I’m ready for something NEW!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: blue;"><b><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">See, I am doing a new thing!</span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue";"><br />
</span><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; font-family: Courier;"> </span><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?</span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue";"><br />
<span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white;">I am making a way in the wilderness</span><br />
</span><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; font-family: Courier;"> </span><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">and streams in the wasteland.</span><span style="font-family: Times;"></span></b></span></span></i></div>
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: blue;"><b>
</b></span></span></i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: blue;"><b>Isaiah 43:19</b></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lord change me. Don’t let me stay the same. Shape my heart.
Make me into something new. Cast off these chains that have weighed me down. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I choose to trust in you!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is just the beginning…</div>
Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-54255586927702698512014-10-03T07:14:00.005-07:002014-10-03T07:14:51.126-07:00Joy and Hurt
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
What do you do when you feel like you have been robbed of
your blessings?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve made it known to just about everyone that knows me that
I love children and I always have. That all I’ve ever wanted to be in life is a
mom. When I got diagnosed with cancer that was the first thing I asked the
doctor. “Will I still be able to have children?” At that point the answer was “yes.”
Then with the failure of my first treatments, the answer became “maybe, but
let’s harvest your eggs to be safe.” With each disappointment and failed
treatment the answer is pretty much “no.” or at least “not any time soon.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I reached the only remission I’ve ever had, I was so
excited because I thought I could begin my two-year count down. The doctors say
you should go two years being cancer free before trying to get pregnant. I
thought about it so much during my transplant. I could wait two years and then
if we needed to use my harvested eggs we would. Waiting would be hard, but in
the meantime I could fulfill the dream I’ve had since I was a child and be a
foster parent. I could take care of little babies who needed my love and maybe
we’d even be able to adopt one. I had it all planned out. . . . And then I
relapsed again . . . . And my heart broke into a million pieces again. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just like so many women who want to be mothers but can’t,
I’ve watched person after person become pregnant and have children or become
foster parents or adopt babies. People younger than me and older than me.
People who have been married a smaller amount of time or who have children
already or weren’t planning it or had planned it for a long time. People I
truly love and deeply care for and want good things for them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The feeling is truly a difficult one to describe. I do have
joy for my friends who get to see their dreams come true. I want them to have
these miracles and blessings. But every announcement, every baby shower, every
comment about sleepless nights and baby names causes a pain so deep in my
heart. A longing that I just can’t put into words. I am happy for them, I truly
am…but the desire to be a mother as well is just so overpowering. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want a baby too. I want to know what it's
like to love someone that way. I want to know what a baby kick feels like and
what it feels like to see my husband love a child that much. I want to fulfill
the call I’ve always felt on my life to care for a child, to rescue orphans.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My thoughts go so quickly to unhealthy places.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Why is it that so many
around me get to be parents and I don’t? What did I do wrong? Wasn't I wired
for this? It feels like the blessings I’ve asked for, hoped for, and prayed for
have been given to everyone else. I feel like Esau running to Isaac expecting
his blessing and hearing the words “sorry I’m fresh out. I gave it Jacob.” It’s
like God is saying to me, “I gave all the babies away while you were busy with
cancer.” It’s stupid I know, but that’s what it feels like. Where’s my
blessing? Where’s my healing? Where’s my happy ever after? I don’t want this
story, I want a different one.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There’s a lot of flaws in this way of thinking and I’m sure
a ton of sin. I’m broken and I don’t know why God has allowed my life to look
like this. So I have to do that thing where I try and remember what’s true.
What do I know that’s true?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
~I know God is good and He has a plan for my life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
~I know His ways are better than my ways.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
~I know He can redeem any situation, no matter how bad.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
~I know even now He could heal me and restore back to me
what has been lost.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
~I know that just because other people get to live my
dreams, it doesn’t mean I don't get to as well.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
~I know that God’s timing is not my timing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It still hurts. I don’t know how to make it not hurt. But
these things help. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t want to make any person who is pregnant or is going
to be pregnant feel bad. I would never want to steal the joy away from her
blessing. Trust me, if I were pregnant, I would want to shout it from the
rooftops and talk about it every waking moment! I would put posts on facebook
and take pictures and do everything that I could to celebrate. I never want my
friends to feel bad for doing those things. And I want to be included in those baby
conversations and those joyous moments. But the pain and the joy are so deeply intertwined.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So how should the multitude of women out there who get to be
mothers act around those of us who don’t and desperately want to? I don’t know
exactly. I know I’m not the only woman who feels these feelings or has these
thoughts. I know I’m grateful to have a few people in my life that listen when
I’m hurting and try to understand, but don’t exclude me from their joy. You can
try to understand their pain, but know that you never really will. You can be
sensitive to their hurt, but don’t leave them out because that hurts more. You
can pray for them and hope for them and believe for them and Lord willing
rejoice with them when their day comes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know that you should never apologize to a barren women for
being pregnant. Just like you should never apologize to a single person for
being married or a sick person for being well. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s hard not to feel like my blessings have been given
away. But the truth is they're not mine. Just because I want them, doesn’t make
them mine. God is the giver of all good things, and He chooses who to give good
gifts to. Truthfully, I don’t deserve them or any blessing for that matter. My
sins mean I deserve death. Jesus gave me the ultimate blessing when He died on
the cross for me and allowed me to have life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">whose confidence is in him.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">They will be like a tree planted by the water</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">that sends out its roots by the stream.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">It does not fear when heat comes;</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">its leaves are always green.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">It has no worries in a year of drought</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">and never fails to bear fruit.”</span></span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jeremiah 17:7-8</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am blessed in so many ways. I consider it a blessing to be
able to minister to and love on the children at church. I consider it a
blessing to be an “aunt” to the babies in my lifegroup and close friends. It’s
just hard to see sometimes when the things you’ve prayed for, hoped for, and
believed for still haven’t come to fruition.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lord please heal my
heart and the hearts of those women who struggle like I do. Fill us up so
completely with joy that there’s no room for hurt. Help us trust completely in
you during the drought and allow us to bear fruit even when the heat and hurt
try to choke us. Forgive me for feeling like I deserve something that you have
chosen to give to someone else. Please use my story to bless others and allow
my pain and heartache to mold me into a person that is more like you. Please
heal me and redeem my life. If it’s in your will, allow me to be a mother to
some of your precious children here on earth. Amen.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">New York Update</b>:
My second treatment went well. They gave me Benadryl and Tylenol which
prevented any more reactions. It made me very sleepy, but at least there was no
sneezing or back pain or chills! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I actually had the week off this past week which has been a
much needed break. I go to New York next week for a CT scan to see if the
tumors have shrunk at all and to get my third treatment. Pray that everything
goes smoothly and the results of this scan are good! As much as I hate being
away from home so much, I would love for this treatment to be the one that
works!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-31349420895677222582014-08-30T17:44:00.000-07:002014-08-30T17:55:45.246-07:00New York Trial Treatment #1So I originally wrote this post while flying home yesterday, but for some reason it didn't save, so I'll have to remember as much as I can!<br />
<br />
The first thing I want to say is....<br />
<br />
THANK YOU!!!!!!<br />
<br />
Thank you to Brad and Julie Raby for being such amazing friends to us. Not only did they help tremendously with David's birthday party last weekend (BTW my husband is 30!!! Wow!!!) Not only do they watch our dogs for us whenever we travel. Not only are they super fun and supportive friends. But now they have set up a website for me and my cancer journey at <a href="http://www.fightwithleslie.com/">www.fightwithleslie.com</a>. You can get updates, access this blog, and donate money to help us with the financial burden of traveling to New York every two weeks over the next two years. Thank you Brad and Julie!<br />
<br />
Now I want to say a big...<br />
<br />
THANK YOU!!!!!<br />
<br />
To all of you that have donated money. I can't tell you how truly humbled I am that so many people would be so generous. We have almost reached our goal of $10,000 in just one week. It blows my mind!!! You all are amazing!<br />
<br />
And now for an update...<br />
<br />
This week I traveled to New York to receive my first treatment on this Immunotherapy trial. I wasn't anticipating a lot of side effects because this is not chemo, but I did face a lot of anxiety. There are always unknowns when you put a new drug in your system, and seeing the infusion rooms and IV bags brought up a lot of emotions in me that I wasn't expecting. Almost exactly a year ago on David's birthday, we heard the word "remission" and thought this cancer journey was on its way to being over. Almost a year ago is when I got what I hoped would be my last chemo treatment ever for my transplant. Starting a brand new treatment that could last for two years is overwhelming.<br />
<br />
But I got over it and began the first infusion...and then I started sneezing. I can't make this up people. For some reason, my body reacted to this drug by sneezing uncontrollably. The nurses were all laughing about it and we continued the infusion, sneezes and all. When the infusion stopped, the sneezes stopped.<br />
<br />
Then we did the second infusion and it went fine...until we left the clinic. Then I had intense lower back pain and the chills. Apparently this is what my body decided to do with the second drug. Some Tylenol and a nap later and I was fine, and I feel great now!<br />
<br />
Please pray that these reactions don't continue and more importantly that this medicine WORKS!! I believe that this treatment could be what the Lord uses to heal me and I won't let go of that.<br />
<br />
Also please pray for strength for me as we continue. Traveling to and from New York is going to be a challenge. Once again cancer is taking over my life and stopping me from fulfilling the dreams in my heart. The traveling is already starting to wear on me and we have just begun!<br />
<br />
This was my week.<br />
<br />
Drive 2.5 hours to Nashville<br />
Wake up at 4:30 and drive to the airport<br />
Fly to the New York<br />
Take a bus to the Subway station<br />
Take the subway to the city<br />
Get treatment and stay two nights in New York<br />
Take the subway to the bus station<br />
Take the bus to the airport<br />
Fly to Nashville<br />
Drive 2.5 hours to Knoxville<br />
<br />
Phew! I have to do this every week for the first month and then in the long term we will go every two weeks. The schedule is very specific as we go through different phases of the trial, so I will keep everyone posted.<br />
<br />
Thank you for your prayers and support. It's so hard to keep going sometimes and keep a positive attitude. Please help me still believe that God is for me and has good things for my life and wants to see my dreams come true.<br />
<br />Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-11898253675650254122014-08-21T06:47:00.001-07:002014-08-21T06:47:45.906-07:00To be a burdenSo I haven't updated the blog in a long time for a few reasons.<br />
<br />
1. Things have been up in the air for a while now. Watching and waiting for 6 months has been a nice break from treatment, but when you get to this point of cancer, you truly don't know what's coming next.<br />
<br />
2. It's been an emotional roller coaster and I haven't wanted to make myself vulnerable all the time.<br />
<br />
So here's the scoop. After radiation there was a very small spot that showed up in my abdomen proving that yet again, the treatments we tried just were no match for this ridiculous cancer. At that point we went to Memorial Sloan Kettering in New York to see one of the top Lymphoma specialists in the world. He said it was too small to do anything about and we needed to wait for it to grow large enough to biopsy. The next scan showed that it had grown and spread, but it was still too small.<br />
<br />
While we were on vacation in New Jersey, we hopped on a train and headed over to New York for another scan. At this point it had grown large enough and our doctor recommended a trial for a new drug. We had a month to complete a biopsy, bone marrow biopsy, pulmonary function test, and bloodwork and were to come back last week and start the trial.<br />
<br />
A week before we were set to come back and had completed all of the arduous tests, we get an email from our trial nurse that I had been disqualified from the trial due to the order in which I had received some of my treatment over the past two years. It was something they overlooked. They thought I could get into another similar trial though and said to come to New York anyways.<br />
<br />
The scans and tests that I had done have expiration dates for trials so we knew time wasn't on our side. We got to NYC last Monday and saw a new doctor and heard about a new trial. This one combines the previous drug with another one. It's immunotherapy and had been very successful with other cancers. Basically they take down the defense system of the tumors and then amp up my immune system so it will learn how to kill the cancer. We were excited about this, the only catch was that my scan was expiring a day before we could start the drug.<br />
<br />
We scheduled a new scan and extended our trip to Friday and planned to start the trial on Thursday. The only thing we were waiting on was my biopsy results from Vanderbilt. They were supposed to come in the next day.<br />
<br />
While we are waiting for the scan, the clinic calls us and says they recieved results from Vanderbilt but they were for a fine needle aspiration biopsy, not a core biopsy which is what they needed. We knew I had had a core biopsy done so we were very confused. My amazing husband fought for several hours calling back and forth between New York and Vanderbilt. It just didn't make sense. Why were they withholding the correct results?<br />
<br />
We could not get the core biopsy results so we had to change plans once again. We had to schedule a new biopsy in New York and push back starting the trial until after that was done. They could not schedule me until this week, so we had to go home and plan another trip for the very next week.<br />
We got a phone call later from Vanderbilt, and it turns out they did do a core biopsy but they performed the wrong test on it and it became unusable. It was their mistake.<br />
<br />
So here I sit in a hotel room in New York about to go get another horrendous biopsy done. I'm set to come back next Wednesday and begin the trial that will require many, many flights to New York and time away from my family.<br />
<br />
I don't know what to think after this roller coaster. I'm trying so hard to hold firm to the truth in God's word but I'll be honest, it is difficult!<br />
<br />
I want to live. I want to have babies. I want to do ministry. I am SO TIRED of fighting this disease. More than that, I am SO TIRED of being a burden.<br />
<br />
I am a burden on my husband, my family, my friends, my church family, and anyone who hears my story and feels sorry for me. I hate being a burden! I hate knowing that this stupid thing that I can't control is causing pain and heartache to the people that love me.<br />
<br />
Every scan, every treatment makes me so vulnerable. And every time it fails, I fail. I can't help but think that if my faith was stronger somehow. If I was worthy of God's favor somehow. Then He would save me!<br />
<br />
I know I can't earn God's grace or mercy. I know I don't deserve healing and can't do the right things to earn it somewhow. I know I can't manufacture faith. But then why are these things being withheld from me when I ask for them...when my husband asks for them...when my friends and family ask for them....<br />
<br />
It is such a frustrating and confusing thing, however....<br />
<br />
I will continue to praise the Lord for His ability to heal, even if He chooses not to heal me.<br />
I will continue to praise the Lord for His mercy, even if He chooses to withhold it from me.<br />
I will continue to praise the Lord for working all things together for good, even though I can't see that happening in my life right now.<br />
I will watch my friends have children and accomplish goals and live out their dreams and rejoice with them, even though I'm stuck in this awful place with dreams crushed.<br />
<br />
I will do these things because I have seen God do many mighty things. I have seen him provide and heal and speak to His children. I know there's still hope, even if it doesn't happen for me.<br />
<br />
I'm tired of being a burden. I'm frustrated and confused. But I know the Lord is the carrier of all burdens and I pray that those around me can turn to Him.<br />
<br />
"Come to me all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."<br />
<br />
<br />Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-34424278433566725422014-05-07T12:42:00.000-07:002014-05-07T12:42:27.456-07:00That Familiar FeelingWell...My miracle still hasn't happened yet. My breakthrough hasn't come yet.<br />
<br />And my wounded heart is beginning to believe it never will.<br />
<br />
The new spot has grown from 1 to 2 cm but I have several new nodes that are infected.<br />
<br />
The cancer is growing. The cancer is spreading.<br />
<br />
I realize that I shouldn't be surprised by this. I mean our news is very rarely good. This journey has been one painful step after another. My cancer has grown when it shouldn't have and come back when it didn't make any sense.<br />
<br />
I just have been holding onto this hope that God is going to do something amazing. That the results would defy logic and medicine one time. That I would undoubtedly know that my God had rescued me from this disease. But instead, we wait. Instead, it grows. Instead, it spreads.<br />
<br />
I can't qualify for any clinical trials until we can do a biopsy and none of the nodes are big enough to biopsy. So we wait two more months and try again.<br />
<br />
I didn't want it to grow. I don't want to have any more treatments. I foolishly thought that maybe, just maybe it would be completely gone and never come back. I wanted God to heal me and let me live and have a family. I wanted to continue with normal life. <br />
<br />
I guess two months is better than nothing. I should be grateful for the many blessings I have and that God has kept me alive this long. But I can't help but feel disappointment again.<br />
<br />
My hope is growing extremely thin. I know my God is able even now to heal me. It just seems like He's not willing. It seems like I will not ever escape this horrendous disease.<br />
<br />
I will continue forward as we always do. My sweet husband just keeps saying "one step at a time." I'm just so weary and wish the steps would get easier instead of harder.<br />
<br />
Thank you all for your prayers. I feel so foolish continuing to ask you to hope and believe with me that I will be healed on earth and have a family. But that's all I can do. I'm want to feel hopeful again instead of foolish, so hopefully that will come soon. For now I cry and hurt and wish things were different.<br />
<br />
Thank you all for your support and love.Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-68452694300179414542014-04-18T12:57:00.001-07:002014-04-18T12:57:15.425-07:00Friday's TroublesWell, I have been meaning to write a post for a while, so as usual, I have about ten topics I feel like I could write about.<br />
<br />
We'll start with an update. Our trip to New York went well! It wasn't exactly what we were expecting, but I'm glad we went. The Doctor was with us very briefly and basically said that the new spot I have is too small to biopsy so we have to wait and see if it grows. I go back in the beginning of May to scan and see if it's large enough to biopsy. If it is, we will discuss options then, if not, we will keep waiting.<br />
<br />
Here's a picture of us at Wicked!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy-tcYZJ8bPAffcalqeJGrinrxyw5CnlWGD2t0L11vKiChY2IJ5ioPx0KMG4OtqPfO5muN_gsUTXMO6CqlJhuVk_J4TTmojuCYnlPk0hwYj8Wou7X9kar_4_D7hqrTz2juQ7AkISP2WzM/s1600/wicked.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy-tcYZJ8bPAffcalqeJGrinrxyw5CnlWGD2t0L11vKiChY2IJ5ioPx0KMG4OtqPfO5muN_gsUTXMO6CqlJhuVk_J4TTmojuCYnlPk0hwYj8Wou7X9kar_4_D7hqrTz2juQ7AkISP2WzM/s1600/wicked.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
It has been really nice to have a break from treatment, but it's just still such a hard journey to be on.<br />
<br />
Our situation is just hard. Cancer sucks. Suffering sucks.<br />
<br />
I have been thinking more and more about the concept of suffering, especially as Easter is approaching. <br />
<br />
Since we started this dreadful journey almost exactly two years ago, I have been told countless things about suffering.<br />
Suffering is what draws us closer to God.<br />
Suffering is what makes us more like Jesus.<br />
Suffering is what allows us to think beyond ourselves.<br />
Suffering is a reminder of our sin. Suffering is actually a gift from God.<br />
<br />
I try to find comfort in these things, but the truth is. <i>Suffering sucks</i>. It's hard and it's terrible. I hurt. I'm disappointed. I'm mourning the things I'll never have. I'm struggling. Because SUFFERING IS HARD!!!!<br />
<br />
I know that my suffering doesn't come close the the suffering that Jesus experienced. However, I think I understand this portion of scripture more now than I ever have before.<br />
<br />
<i>"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." Luke 22:42</i><span class="p"><br /></span><br />
<br />
I have begged and pleaded for God to just take this cancer away. If not for my sake then for David's or my family's or my church's. I am weary. I am worn. I need good news.<br />
<br />
Today is Good Friday. It's the day Christ died for us. He went through the ultimate suffering. He was separated from God. Everyone thought that all was lost as He breathed his last breath.<br />
<br />
I know the feeling. I've felt so <i>helpless</i>, so <i>hopeless</i>, so <i>abandoned</i>.<br />
<br />
In this stage of my journey it's <b>Friday</b>. It's been Friday for a while.<br />
<br />
But <b>Sunday</b> is the day we celebrate. Sunday is when Christ conquered death and miraculously rose from the dead. Everything that seemed to be on Friday was obliterated on Sunday! Literally all that was wrong was made right again. All that seemed so hopeless and lost and abandoned completely changed in one day, in one moment! Praise God! <br />
<br />
I can only hope that one day all of my Friday woes and troubles will be obliterated as well. That just like Jesus, the things that keep me up at night, the tears and sobs that physically hurt, the fears and doubts, the begging and pleading for a different path, the pain I see on those that love me will all be but memories.<br />
<br />
I don't know when my Sunday will come. Truthfully, I don't know if my Sunday will come in this life. But I have to hope and believe that my Sunday is coming too. I hope in a God who is constantly turning Fridays into Sundays throughout scripture and in other people's lives. My suffering is momentary. My anguish and hurt and despair is temporary.<br />
<br />
I have to hope for Sunday, even though Friday is so completely awful.<br />
<br />
If you are hurting. If you are suffering. I pray you can look forward to your Sunday. We serve a Risen Savior! The Lord did not allow Jesus to stay dead, and I don't believe He will allow us to stay in our suffering!<u> Praise God for Sunday!</u><br />
<br />
Lord please bring Sunday. Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-88847970158415461462014-03-24T20:03:00.001-07:002014-03-25T06:04:02.376-07:00New York, New York<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Well, we've been on a bit of a roller coaster since the last scan. I believed God was able to do something amazing. We thought the scan was clear....it wasn't. I can't tell you how frustrating it was to tell everyone I was in remission and celebrate and then find out the doctor missed something. There's a new spot. </span><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So instead of prepping for transplant, we are on our way to New York City to meet with one of the top doctors in the country for treating Refractory Hodgkins Lymphoma. His name is Dr. Younes and he is a leader on many clinical trials. We're hoping he has some wisdom and advice and can give us some options.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I'm so frustrated to be where we are. Most of the time I just want to scream! It's ridiculous that my cancer won't go away, it's stupid that my family has to sacrifice so much, it's unfathomable how much pain this disease has brought to the people I love the most. I want so badly for a God to heal me but He hasn't yet. I love Him and trust Him but I feel like He's ignoring our cries for help. I feel like maybe I just have to give up on my dreams.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">In Scott's sermon on Sunday he talked about Timothy. One of the questions he asked was "what lies from the enemy are you believing that are keeping you from living out your dreams?" </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I've thought about this a lot. I have some pretty decent lies that run through my head a lot about why we are being prevented from living out our dreams. It's about to get real here people because here are a few if them. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Maybe this is a punishment. Maybe I'm paying for something I've done.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Maybe I can't be a mom because I would be a bad one. Maybe I'm not a good enough wife or friend or daughter.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Maybe some cancers and depravity here on earth are just too big for God to overcome.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Maybe God hasn't healed me because my faith is too small. Maybe I haven't trusted Him enough. Maybe there's something deep down that's blocking it.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Maybe God won't save my life because it's not worth saving. Maybe more time on earth won't make a difference for the kingdom so He just wants to take me home.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And here is really the root of it all....Maybe God doesn't love me enough to save me.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Honestly, I struggle sometimes to recognize what is truth and what are lies from the enemy. And sometimes I'm so weary it doesn't seem like it even matters.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">These lies will keep me from moving forward. They will paralyze me and there's no life and no hope in them.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I don't know why God has chosen this path for me and it hurts so deep in my core I don't know how to move forward sometimes. But I know He is sovereign and He does love me. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Please continue to pray for a miracle for us. Pray for discernment and guidance and wisdom as we decide what's next. Please pray that God's voice would be louder than the enemy and that we would not give up on our dreams of healing, a family, ministry together.....a hope.....a future.</span></div>Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-55291909608522726942014-03-05T06:34:00.000-08:002014-03-05T06:34:42.232-08:00He is AbleI know I've been quiet on here for a while. Since we got the bad news in December, life has been a whirlwind of emotions, holidays, radiation, work, church, grieving, researching, and a whole lot of praying. I have been in and out of some dark places and have pulled away from a lot of people.<br />
<br />
There have been many times that I wanted to write a blog post about how I was feeling. About how unfair cancer is and about what it's like to watch everyone around you live their lives when you have the 1,000 pound weight of cancer bearing down on you and it feels like there's no way out. You feel so alone and left out. You feel so paralyzed. But I just couldn't do it.<br />
<br />
David and I were so blessed to go on a vacation together to the beautiful Dominican Republic. We had a wonderful time, but even there the thoughts of what lies before me were hard to escape. I prayed a LOT and I came to a place where I knew I just had to let go. (cue cheesy Frozen theme song now) I had to let go of being a mom. I had to let go of living a long life. I had to let go of my hopes and dreams because they were just that, mine. This doesn't mean I'm giving up on living. It means I'm not the author of my story anymore. God is. I gave Him the reigns a long time ago and I have to let go of the anger I've had about how He's handled things the last two years. I had to let go. He may not want me to be a mom. He may let us have 10 kids! He may want me to come home to Him. He may want me to live for 50 more years. It's just not my call and I have to trust that whatever He decides it's the best thing.<br />
<br />
It was great to do this. To let go of some of these feelings. But to be honest, it didn't make things that much easier when I got home. I had a few obstacles to overcome last week and we did a LOT of talking about my situation and what we would do next. It just seems so hopeless. By medical standards it kind of is. I felt more and more weighed down by that thought that there was no way out of this awful disease. More torturous treatment that probably won't even work or a torturous death....sounds fun. Not a lot of hope there.<br />
<br />
Then a sweet lady at my church gave me Priscilla Shirer's book, <u>God is Able</u>. Now a LOT of people give me books and to be honest I have not read all of them, but something told me to read this book and I'm so glad I did. It helped me figure out what really had me upset and reminded me of the power of the God I serve.<br />
<br />
<i>Epesians 3:20</i><br />
<i>"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us."</i><br />
<br />
If I believe that God is who He says He is, then I can't give up now.<br />
<br />
I KNOW that God is able EVEN NOW to heal my body and restore my health.<br />
I have always known that He was able. But I haven't always believed that He was <i>willing</i>. That that power would take up residence in <i>me</i>.<br />
He would do those things for other people, but not me.<br />
<br />
But this is a lie. God wants to heal me. He wants what's best for me. He loves me so much that He sent His Son to die for me. It's not a matter of His love for me. <br />
<br />
God is sovereign and He may not choose to heal me. He may not choose to give me a miracle. But I know that He is able and I have to trust that he will do what's best.<br />
<br />
I have a PET scan on Friday. We will discuss the options I have left and probably make some really tough decisions.<br />
<br />
I am asking that everyone who reads this will believe with me that God is still able to rescue me from this! Please stand in faith with me! Don't read this and pity me and think, "well she's probably still going to die." Read this and believe that I will live! Read this and believe that GOD IS ABLE and He loves me and wants what's best for me!!!<br />
<br />
Please pray for for wisdom and discernment and a miracle. Thank you in advance!Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-47600413157113688622013-12-27T08:29:00.001-08:002013-12-27T08:31:55.562-08:00O Holy NightSo I meant to post this for Christmas, but I'm obviously a little behind.<br />
<br />
One of my favorite Christmas songs is <i>O Holy Night</i>.<br />
<br />
I've been thinking a lot about this line.<br />
<br />
<i>A <b>thrill of hope</b> the weary world rejoices.</i><br />
<br />
It's Christmas time which I usually love and look forward to every year. It's a time of hope. It's a time of joy. But this year has been tough. I've felt a little like a zombie walking around with this weight on my heart. The <b>weary world</b> part has never been so real to me.<br />
<br />
These past few weeks have been the hardest weeks of my life. I have so much hurt, anger, despair, and sadness inside me that it makes the day-to-day pretty challenging. <br />
<br />
What do you do when the thing you've hoped for and believed in and thought had happened....didn't? What do you do when your future is probably not going to pan out the way you'd hoped?<br />
<br />
At this point, medicine has little left to offer us. We've always believed that it would be God who would heal me, but now we feel a miracle is really the only way out of this nightmare.<br />
<br />
Everything looks bleak. I feel like there's nothing to look forward to. I long for <i>hope</i>. The <i>thrill</i> that comes from imagining a bright future. The <i>thrill</i> of believeing that all is not lost.<br />
<br />
I want people to still believe that I will be healed. I want to still believe it.<br />
<br />
And I do. <br />
<br />
God could still come through and heal me. God could still provide a way for me to live on this earth with my husband and have my babies. If anyone can do it, God can do it.<br />
<br />
I do believe He's able, I just wonder if He is willing.<br />
<br />
And what if He isn't? Where does that leave me? What if this cancer takes my life like it does so many others?<br />
<br />
Well. I'll be with <u>Jesus</u>. I'll be in <u>heaven</u>. And people, <u>heaven is better</u>.<br />
<br />
I mourn and feel so hurt because I want to be here, but we were never meant for here.<br />
<br />
Jesus came to earth as a tiny baby. He lived a perfect life and died a horrendous death on the cross....for me. So I would be able to go to heaven. So when I die, it won't be black and dark and nothing, but a new life in heaven with Him! <br />
<br />
There's no greater <i>hope</i>. There's no greater <i>thrill</i>.<br />
<br />
I'm not giving up. We will press on and as we always do, we will take things one step at a time.<br />
<br />
But I'm still reeling and still hurting from the disappointment. I'm unsure of what the Lord is doing and trying to trust Him.<br />
<br />
My prayer is still that He would heal me on this Earth, but that my <i>thrill of hope</i> would come from being with Him someday. Please pray with me. Please hope with me. All is not lost. <br />
<br />Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-6328420774407202772013-12-13T13:47:00.002-08:002013-12-13T13:47:44.118-08:00My wishThere have been several times in my life when I wished for things that were just out of reach.<br />
<br />
I've wished I was thinner, more beautiful, more outgoing, smarter, funnier, someone who had it all together.<br />
<br />
When I was single I wished I was married and I have constantly wished I was a mother.<br />
<br />
And even though these things have still tempted me, over the last year and half all I have really wished for was that I was someone who was healthy and didn't have cancer.<br />
<br />
But today...today I wish my faith was stronger. Today I wish I could trust more and not fear death.Today I wish I had confidence in my future despite my circumstances.<br />
<br />
We received probably the worst news possible this week. After less than 100 days since my transplant, the cancer has grown back in three lymph nodes in my chest.<br />
<br />
It seems like such a punch in the stomach. To share such positive news back in August and go through transplant and think that finally we had beaten this thing. To think that finally the Lord had given us freedom from cancer.<br />
<br />
I had planned my 2014 and it was going to be a wonderful year. I was going to grow my hair back and lose the cancer weight. We were going to go on a trip healthy and happy. We were going to start classes to become foster parents and look towards the future with hope.<br />
<br />
All those plans are out the window. My cancer is back.<br />
<br />
I can't even begin to tell you how much it hurts and how alone I feel.<br />
I can't even tell you how much I would rather poke my eyes out than put my family and friends through more pain and heartache.<br />
I can't even tell you how angry I am. <br />
<br />
I feel like I was drowning for so long and I finally had been pulled from the water. However, this week I was thrown back in and I don't see a way back to the surface right now.<br />
<br />
The plan right now is to do radiation and hopefully get control over the disease again. Then we will potentially do a donor transplant. These treatments are scary and hard on my body and will be done in Nashville. I still have a chance for a cure, but this cancer is more aggressive than we could have imagined.<br />
<br />
I want to be strong and courageous. I want to give you scripture and tell you that I believe everything will be ok. I want to say something wonderfully profound about life that will make you believe that I'm hopeful. But I'm struggling with that right now.<br />
<br />
All I know to do is stand on the truth that I know.<br />
<br />
God still loves me.<br />
He is a good Father.<br />
He understands my hurt and my pain.<br />
He wants me to be honest with Him.<br />
He'll walk with me to the very end.<br />
<br />
I wish my circumstances were different. I wish my remission had been a cure. I wish I didn't have to walk this road. But I know who's walking with me, and I know where I'll be when I'm finished. <br />
<br />
We appreciate your prayers as we face this next chapter.<br />
<br />
<br />Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6063499344079479154.post-10583733776917886892013-12-06T08:23:00.000-08:002013-12-06T08:23:12.620-08:00FearFear<br />
<br />
It sneaks in and takes hold of you before you even know what hit you.<br />
<br />
I haven't posted in a while. I've had lots of thoughts for posts to write. I've had a lot of half-written in my head posts. But I just haven't followed through and written anything.<br />
<br />
After it was rescheduled about 14 times, my "100 Day" PET scan has been scheduled for this coming Monday, Dec. 9th. At my appointment on Tuesday I will get the results and we will decide about radiation. (It's not actually 100 days since my transplant, but close enough.)<br />
<br />
I wish I could say that I was confident about this scan. God healed me, this I know. But I haven't been feeling wonderful over the past few weeks and in my weakness I have let in some pretty intense fears.<br />
<br />
I'm afraid that the cancer has grown back.<br />
I'm afraid my healing was temporary.<br />
I'm afraid everything I believed about my future won't come true.<br />
I'm afraid God has forgotten about me.<br />
I'm afraid.<br />
<br />
Cancer is a big, ugly monster. It has completely altered the course of David and my life. It has prevented us from being parents right now. It has put our dreams on hold. It has claimed the life of my Grandfather, David's grandfather, countless others, and just this morning a friend from high school.<br />
<br />
It's scary. It's big. And God doesn't always protect us from it. So it seems like it would be ok for me to be afraid that it would come back and ruin everything.<br />
<br />
But it's not ok. Fear is not of God. God is bigger than cancer.<br />
<br />
"Do not be anxious about anything but in every situation with prayer and petition present your requests to God and the peace that passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."<br />
<br />
Friends please petition the Father on my behalf. Pray that the cancer is still gone. That nothing would grow back. That my scan would go well and be COMPLETELY clean just like it was in September. That I would have peace no matter the outcome.<br />
<br />
Thank you so much for standing with me.<br />
<br />Leslie Vogelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11518378047886704910noreply@blogger.com1