Saturday, November 17, 2012

Down but Not Out

I'm not going to go into too much detail on this post because there is still a lot we don't know.

Unfortunately, my biopsy results came back as Hodgkins. This means the ABVD chemo did not completely work. It killed most of the tumors and shrunk them down considerably, but somehow there is still disease left over.

This outcome is not what we had hoped for and not what we were expecting.

We are headed to Vanderbilt on the Monday after Thanksgiving for a second opinion. Most likely we are looking at some intense chemo and a stem cell transplant, but we don't know for sure.

We are fervently praying that God would give the doctors wisdom and complete the healing He already started. We are also praying that by some miracle we will be able to have children some day. Nothing is impossible.

The past few days have been pretty intense. We are heart-broken and disappointed. We feel helpless and out of control. We are down, but not out.

I am trying desperately to hold onto this passage of scripture.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

It would be easy to believe at this point that God is not good. That He does not want good things for me or a future. But this is not true.

No, we don't understand. Yes, we are scared. No, we don't know what the future holds. Yes, our dreams have come crashing down.

But God is still good.

He still wants good things for me.

He still has a future planned for me.

He could still rescue me.

He can still heal me.

Our circumstances do not change the truth of God's word.

God is for us, not against us.

We are down.......but we are definitely not out.


  1. Amen Leslie. I love the verse you quoted. Hang on to that. Praying fervently for you daily. You are definitely not out in the eye of our Lord.
    I myself have been to Vanderbilt for consultation with Drs and they are very knowledgeable. Will be praying for the wisdom of God to fall on your Drs there.
    Hugs and Love you you and David,
    Aunt Gerri

  2. You are such and inspiration to me I needed to hear this today for many reasons. I know God got his hands on your life. I have someone who lives a spirit filled life daily and I have involved her in praying for you she is a retired missionary.

  3. Leslie, your faith is inspiring and refreshing. I truly believe that God is using you to share that faith and true joy during this experience. May he use this situation to bring others closer to him, may he heal your body and renew your spirit. Know that God is already using you for good!

  4. Praying for you so fervently. Praying that Vanderbilt will have answers.

  5. We are holding onto that verse for you, too. Love you!
    The Baders